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Mixed Example: Dialogue, Interior Dialogue, Thoughts, Gut Instinct

“Bob?” asked John. Where the hell is he? I’m gonna kill that sonofabanana when he gets here. He’s late again. When the lunch bell rings, meet me in the girls’ bathroom, stall 4. I told him to be quick so we could get a good seat. Now what am I gonna do? I always listen to him, why can’t he listen to me for once?

John, go to stall 1, quickly. Danger approaches. Be quick.

John slammed the stall 4 door open, knocking Angela down. He slipped into the first stall, safe for now.

Thanks, Bob. Why didn’t you let me know you were here?

Since when does gut instinct have to announce its arrival? I’m always with you when you’re about to get in trouble. Speaking of trouble-

“John Doughnut, you step out of this stall immediately!” said Mrs. Holloway. That boy is up to no good. Since when do boys have to go to the girls’ toilets? Only nine and already a strange little pervert. We’ll see what heated conversations my ruler can have with his palms.

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5 Comment count
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MIXED EXAMPLE

Am intrigued. Where can I find more?

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more?

Do you want more examples or a continuation of the story? :-)

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Intriging, yes. Must be very

Intriging, yes. Must be very difficult to do so well.

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Yes

I think writers like rising to the challenge. Why don't you have a go?

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More

The rest of the story! I, too, use 'inner monologue' in my writing and have received mixed reviews. Therefore I'd love to learn from fellow writers about their technique.