It's embarrassing how far behind we are on this growing national trend when we're usually so ahead of the cultural curve. Something like 75 communities across the country are already printing their own money. After all, it's good enough for the feds, whose presses are rolling off hundreds of billions. Forget states' rights. Community rights!
So get ready for a hissy fit over San Francisco's new $3 bill. Forget the O'Reilly factor. This is one city where a bunch of people might want to have their picture on it: Mark Leno, Bevan Dufty, Carol Migden, the producers of Milk, or just about anyone raising funds to run for office.
But whoever wants or gets the honor, don't worry. SF's own local currency is definitely on its way, and there are many, many denominations for the full Halloween trick-or-treat bag of native egos and personalities to choose from in replacing Lincoln, Washington and Jefferson.
We just need to parse out the new money in ways that make sense.
Mayor Newsom can appear on the SF wooden nickel, as an indication of what political promises are sometimes worth. Or maybe the $140 bill to remember his Twitter limitations on brevity -- and to never, ever do another seven-hour YouTube.
Supervisor Chris Daly, who fights for the civil rights of people loitering in front of bars, can get the $5-12 bill, the price of a drink depending on which part of his district you're in.
The cool new $60 bill with a big SFMTA emblem in the center will exactly cover the new cost of an Adult Fast Pass after the proposed fare hike in January 2010.
Or what's wrong with a $287,000 bill with a question mark in a blue uniform to pay the new SF police chief. Or a $5 bill with a mug of the captivating and occasionally elusive North Beach Millie, who charges just that much to take Polaroids for tourists when she's not gone missing in Reno...
Of course the new SF currency will not be good at any chain stores, except maybe the Lowe's going into the Bayview, since residents there at long last should have some options (see above re: wooden nickel).
Willie Brown, much as he'd like to be on the $100, won't show up on anything because he'll probably be running the whole SF currency derivative market out of his trading room at the St. Regis.
Causes Phil Bronstein Supports
Good Ones; anything involving the possibility of redemption.