The X-Files did an episode were Scully, in a comatose state, was hovering between death and the earthly world. Her experiences played out in beautiful dreamlike symbolism created from a mix of myth, life experiences and divine energy. At one point, Scully dressed in her hospital blues was sitting amidst a vast lake in a simple wooden rowboat sans rowers. The small boat sat still, without floating away, with the help of a long thick twined rope tied to the shore. Neither she nor the boat ever attempted to come to shore but sat silently, fearlessly solo in the middle of calm waters. She was ready to “let go”.
That image has always stayed with me because often in my life I have felt tied and so desired the feeling of “letting go”. The funny part is that I did the tying. I got the rope, selected its thickness, its strength and wrapped it snuggly round my body; however, I wasn’t clever enough to get a boat. I floated without a life vest in the water for years, alone, as my family swarmed around me like sharks armored with sturdy floatation devices further entangling me to their craziness, disappoints, anger, fear…and I never swam away.
My family never accepted the artists in me and constantly belittled me like most people who are born into families who have the myopic goal of achieving conventional success with all of its trappings. Every artists or any family member that goes against the grain has been stood in front of the proverbial target as the daggers of degradation were hurled toward them, constantly dodging their person, only to be plunged deep into a cork board. These daggers, temporarily, served the purpose of dissuading me from non-conformity and into the arms of conformity.
Well…now its time to let go, instead of dodging the dagger catch it between my teeth, gnashing its metal down to smelt spitting the remnants back toward the possessor. It’s time to let go, own my strengths instead of nurturing my weaknesses and open the aperture of my minds eye wide permitting me to cut away the thick binding asphyxiating ropes of psychosis giving way to the awakening of a divine wisdom that illuminates my journey’s path.
Letting go of my family is like a rebirth into a life of my own creation. I am able to sit back in my own boat, quietly, self assured, fearless in a large pool of water without rowers navigating my direction toward uncharted terrain atop of calm waters welcoming challenges from the universe.