Today I did a Core Communications training for a group here in northern MN. This training is designed to open the field of communication (both sending and receiving) around you so you can see, hear, and feel more that is available. As I was talking, I imagined that around each of us there is a “knowing field” similar to constellation work but personal and belonging to us alone. In our “field” are all of our stored memories, impressions, understanding and knowledge. Our brain is constantly arranging and rearranging this material to help us make sense of the immediate reality. Sometimes it is straight on—sometimes it sends us far afield.
For example, I feel a strong affinity for water. Since I was a child, I spent my summers jumping into any nearby body of water. I liked the cool surround, the wetness, the feeling of bobbing along the surface of the world. Somebody else may have had an experience of near-drowning, being suffocated and nearly killed by water. Naturally, what is stored in my field is nothing like what is stored in his. A mere word like “water” cannot adequately describe or express what our very different fields contain. We have to discover each other’s fields.
Besides knowing how our own brains are putting together our experiences, it is also important to gently enter another person’s “field” without assuming that their field is our field. It is so easy to assume that we know what is going on with that other person rather than to take the time needed to step in with great curiosity and learn about him or her. If we are curious and gently, we have the opportunity to step into another person’s field and learn, share, find common ground, and expand the uncommon ground--and in doing so, both are enriched. The cues and clues to discovery are subtle.
One of the people in the training asked me about what happens when too much communication happens via texting and email. Oh, how much of that subtle information we must be missing. We really are so tuned into nuance—an expression, a smile, an intake of the breath, a tonal quality. None of that is available when words on a screen are doing the communicating for us.
During one of the exercises today, one of the participants leaned forward and softly asked another, “When did you first know that your husband loved you?” One woman stepped into another woman’s “knowing field” and instantly activated it. The woman’s eyes watered, and she got the sweetest expression on her face. All of that tender information was in her “knowing field.” It just needed activating.
Unfortunately, when we simply crash or bumble into another person’s field, it can also cause great damage to the relationship.
I feel like I'm rambling, and yet it is always this way when I begin to see things in a new way. I like that about me. I like to continually try to understand the many ways that we can nourish a relationship—or destroy it. The subtle and finely tuned balances always astound me. We are far more sensitive than we realize.
A final thought. People always want to know how to do good relationship. It is a core and critical question with an easy answer. Be curious about their personal knowing field--and be attentive when they let you in.
It was a good day! Any day that I learn something new is a good day.