I've come to realize, after a lot of inner work, that any demons I may have are those dancing around between my ears. But having said that, I can still get riled a bit when I think someone has done me wrong. Since I have precious little energy these ten days before surgery, and having been at the bedside of a brother in Houston when he died last December, and the funeral of another sister in January, 08, I didn't feel physically able to go to the funeral of Faye, my 93-year-old sister, who passed away last week, although I very much wanted to be there. I made my reasons for not being there clear in phone calls and in e-mail messages to my relatives. Therefore, I was stunned to receive an e-mail note from a supposedly grown-up great-nephew, so filled with anger and venom at me that I was momentarily felled by his assault. But then I thought about his lack of direction, the jealousy he has exhibited toward me in the past, and I felt sadness. He loved his grandmother, although she drove him crazy, he often said. At various times, she drove all of us crazy, but she also gave us lots of laughs, and if you were down-and-out, she would have loved to rescue you. So, what did I do about the poisonous communication my relative sent to me? Nothing. Although, I sent flowers to the memorial service in memory of my sister, a sister who always supported me and was always there for me. I miss knowing that Faye is in her easy chair listening LOUDLY to TV, her husband of 73 years beside her. I hope that someday my vinegary family member will recognize that the demons running around between his ears, are but his view of himself, and work toward redirecting that negativity into an inspiring melody. We should I think, work toward making sure that we don’t die with our songs unsung, books unwritten, our love twisted up inside of us like a Gordian knot, and with the yellow-green bile of bitterness in our heart.
How breathtaking it would be if we could see our true reflection, like my granddaughter in this photograph, and fully understand that life is not a competition... and then give our beautiful selves a great big smack upon the mirrored glass of life.
Causes Pat Montandon Supports
PETA, Women for Women, Amnesty International, Children as the Peacemakers, Peace to The Planet