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The Devils Between Our Ears
Mira Annapurna, my granddaughter, giving herself a kiss.

I've come to realize, after a lot of inner work, that any demons I may have are those dancing around between my ears. But having said that, I can still get riled a bit when I think someone has done me wrong. Since I have precious little energy these ten days before surgery, and having been at the bedside of a brother in Houston when he died last December, and the funeral of another sister in January, 08, I didn't feel physically able to go to the funeral of Faye, my 93-year-old sister, who passed away last week, although I very much wanted to be there. I made my reasons for not being there clear in phone calls and in e-mail messages to my relatives. Therefore, I was stunned to receive an e-mail note from a supposedly grown-up great-nephew, so filled with anger and venom at me that I was momentarily felled by his assault. But then I thought about his lack of direction, the jealousy he has exhibited toward me in the past, and  I felt sadness. He loved his grandmother, although she drove him crazy, he often said. At various times, she drove all of us crazy, but she also gave us lots of laughs, and if you were down-and-out, she would have loved to rescue you. So, what did I do about the poisonous communication my relative sent to me? Nothing. Although, I sent flowers to the memorial service in memory of my sister, a sister who always supported me and was always there for me. I miss knowing that Faye is in her easy chair listening LOUDLY to TV, her husband of 73 years beside her. I hope that someday my vinegary family member will recognize that the demons running around between his ears, are but his view of himself, and work toward redirecting that negativity into an inspiring melody. We should I think, work toward making sure that we don’t die with our songs unsung, books unwritten, our love twisted up inside of us like a Gordian knot, and with the yellow-green bile of bitterness in our heart.
How breathtaking it would be if we could see our true reflection, like my granddaughter in this photograph, and fully understand that life is not a competition... and then give our beautiful selves a great big smack upon the mirrored glass of life.

Comments
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Hi pat

Hi pat I Love
"We should I think, work toward making sure that we don’t die with our songs unsung, books unwritten, our love twisted up inside of us like a Gordian knot, and with the yellow-green bile of bitterness in our heart"
Life teaches us a lesson by incidents, good or sour.
Mira Annapurna is looking great. My hug and kisses to her.
--Did you see marriage pics of my niece at my image gallery?--

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THe Wedng photo's

I just looked at the wonderful wedding pictures on your site that you shared with us. Indian weddings are so full of energy and color and fun. What a pleasure it was to see them. Thanks, Jitu.

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Thank You, Pat

for a reflective piece that speaks to the heart, and for a beautiful image of the soft innocence of your granddaugter.

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Thank You, Kuzang

I was able to capture a series of pictures of my granddaughter discovering herself. They are heartbreakingly beautiful, her mom says,  and I agree. The photo of you with your adorable dog shows great affection between you. How lovely.

Pat

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Pat, that is a beautiful

Pat, that is a beautiful photo of little Mira. So sweet and innocent.

A 73-year marriage. I think that is the longest I've ever heard of. Wow! Wish I knew the secret to that.

Your late sister would understand your situation. It is possible to be with someone while still being physically apart.

How are you feeling about your upcoming surgery, Pat? Are you at peace with it. . .or working to get there? Is there someone you trust who could write a quick note on your blog after your surgery, to let us know that you've come through it all right? We will be on tenterhooks until we hear.

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Surgery Shivers

Oh, Ellem how kind of you to ask about my feelings regarding my upcoming surgery. Most of the time I'm calm about it, and then...wham...I'm wide-awake in the middle of the night thinking about it. Dr. Sheila Krystal leads me though the surgery process during phone appointments, and that is very helpful. Also, I have guided imagery CD's by Andrew Weil that have become my lullaby. I plan to have those messages on my ipod and plugged into my ears during surgery. My surgeons are the best, and Cedars Sinai is a great heart center, and Sean will be with me before surgery and during my recuperation...it’s just that I have to let go and understand that I’m truly in the hands of God or the Universe or whatever that mysterious power is, and that I will be, not only, okay, but much better than I am now.
I’ll ask Sean to write on my blog as to how I’m doing. I appreciate so very much your interest and your support at this stressful time.
Hugs,
Pat

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Pat, it wouldn't be normal

Pat, it wouldn't be normal to be entirely fearless in the face of major surgery.  And we Americans are so socialized to think we are in control much of the time when, in fact, a great deal is out of our hands.  The Arabs are very fatalistic about events, and I sometimes find the resultant complacency difficult to deal with.  And, yet, it has its place, particularly when you've done all you can and the rest lies with God or fate or whomever/whatever is steering this ship.

The guided imagery CDs are a great idea.  Remember, also, that just breathing deeply has an amazingly calming effect, though that might be painful immediately after heart surgery.  Lavender is also good for keeping the nerves in check.  And a photograph or two of beloveds to detract from the institutional feel of the hospital and give yourself some good reasons to get well.  I'm thinking perhaps your new old beau and that adorable granddaughter.

Thank Sean in advance for giving us a little status report.  Just thumbs up, thumbs down, thumbs sideways if he is short on time and isn't sure how much you'd want made public.  When you are feeling better, you can always expound on it yourself if you wish.