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My Journey to Hell; Episode One

I am an epileptic. I have suffered from epilepsy, posttraumatic convulsion syndrome, because I had meningitis in childhood, ever since I was eight. I have to take strong doses of different drugs, but I managed to do the master's degree and educate myself. I studied American literature. I am the happy mom of two lovable children. One, the boy, is nine, the girl is three years' old. The times of pregnancy were the worst months in my life. How fortunate I am they are all over. I may describe them some day, 

Everybody knows epilepsy is no mental illness, but long years of taking carbamazepinum and diazepam can cause a sort of psychosis, can't it? One day, I wasn't able to sleep for two days. I don't even remember that. "Neurotop retard" strongly appeases and tones down emotions and the libido is extremely low. Depending on a patient of course. But this is my unlucky case.

I wanted to make sex with my husband all night long. I had a series of orgasms. He was so surprised and thought I had an approaching attack or a kind of mania, so gave me one pill of diazepam extra. Next day, I woke up and wanted to go out somewhere for a walk with the kids. We got in the car, packed the children up, and I thought we were going to a park or a playground, because he had told me so before. Instead, we arrived in the hospital reception room!

After a little marriage quarrel, my husband took me to the psychiatrist clinic on observation and left me there. I do realise he was worrying about me. He called it "the smaller evil". 

I spent a week at the closed ward in the psychiatrist clinic, Poland. To tell you the truth, I have never been a witness and victim of such terrible bad manners as there. Of the medical personnel naturally, not the patients. How the doctors and male nurses treat unhappy and very ill people who are normal, not insane, making them fools by the use of narcoleptics and antidepressants, can be compared to nothing else but hell. Some of those young doctors are so unintentionally rude...

What I saw and experienced there I will tell you later in Episode Two. The sooner, the better. Don't let me forget.

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