Recently I had the opportunity to redefine my career choices; I could start a business at home which given the right nurturing would afford me the ability never to go back to the corporate structure I hate so much or I could do what I really wanted to do which was to teach and create spiritually inspired motivation workshops.
On the outside the first option was the best; there was little fallout, not too extreme expense output, it would require me to do what I do best which is to talk to people and find out what types of services they needed and then give it to them. Professionally, I've been a superior Administrative Assistant for over fifteen years, it’s my strong suit.
I organize, detail, retrieve, calculate and extract necessary items to ensure other peoples work lives run smoothly. I can do it blind folded, but it bores me, but I'm good at it, but it bores me, but it’s a stable income, but it bores me, but it’s the responsible thing to do, who cares if it bores you.
This is the conversation I've been having with myself for the past several days...I'm still trying to win the argument
Then there's teaching spiritually based workshops...Not religious based and yes there is a difference.
Talking to people about the beauty of how the universe works in their daily lives fascinates me. When I see the lock on a person’s mind that's been there for years suddenly become unlocked I get happy because they have now seen how their lives can take all kinds of new and interesting turns because they've allowed themselves to move past the wall in front of them.
"The Revolution Will NOT be televised". For years the true meaning of Gil Scott-Heron's lyrics and terminology escaped me until I heard his rationale for the phrase. "The scrimmages you see on television are not the revolution, they are the result of the revolution. The revolution takes place in the mind, when the person sees a new way of being than what they've been shown and this is just the outcome" I'm paraphrasing but that's basically it. Gathering new information which allows you to see your place in the world in a different light is more revolutionary than the shredding of documents or the crunching of numbers.
Giving a person information, even if they don't agree with it, opens them up for discussion so that they actively participate in the physical understanding of the world around them.
That is the most awesome thing on planet to me... the use of words to change the world
And yet I still can't figure out the use of Twitter... go figure.
So for the past several days I've been in this cocoon of silence allowing my brain to process and wind down so that I could concentrate. No television, little radio and just plain family conversations. I spent hours walking and not thinking, lying on the couch and not thinking, doing the dishes and not thinking, sorting clothes and not thinking. It was my own form of meditation, whatever came to mind I allowed in and then pushed it to the side once I'd processed it.
I don't think it’s what Deepak Chopra had in mind but I had to go my own way on this one.
As I floundered around one thought kept recurring, my son, Jah.
Jah is thirteen, stands about five five and is currently experiencing that awkward period of growing into young adulthood while I try desperately not to hyperventilate every time he answers the phone sounding like some baritone voiced stranger.
Its been a process and one I'm sad to say I'm winning...I'm letting go of my baby boy with whom I've invested countless hours of socialistic, vegetarian, homeopathic, Ayurveda, Orisha, ancestor honoring and soccer methods on. YES I am that parent who finds a home remedy for every single ailment, I grow herbs in my kitchen window and I proudly video tape every single solidary "football" game for when he becomes the President of FIFA.
But besides all that I've thought of how the changes he's experienced are in direct correlation to what I'm currently going through.
Last April, Jah wore a size seven shoe, In June, I went to buy sneakers for his yearly trip down south with family, he wore a nine. When school started on August 31 I had to buy a size ten because they were out of size nine and a half, good thing, his big toe was nearing the to top of the size ten. For years I was lulled into a false sense of security because my son is very lean, he could eat an entire twenty pound turkey and I think the only evidence of it would be his fingers being greasy. He's always been this way but lately that lean figure has taken on a more athletic tone. He has biceps and I hate to say it but a two pack, HE HAS FACIAL HAIR!
Every time he says his knees hurt, my monthly food bill cringes from the extra weight and I get the sweats trying to stretch out my weekly dinner meals. Not to mention how he stands INSIDE the refrigerator looking for something to eat every hour. The plates of food I used to make for him are a snack now. Jah is officially a teenage boy with all the perks and patterns of serial growth spurts that’s sure to last for the next five years.
Now what does this have to do with my own dilemma you ask, that's what I wondered for about two days until it dawned on me.
I was experiencing my own growth spurts; I’ve outgrown the corporate lifestyle and its structure. I’m no longer satisfied with being a great Administrative Assistant and I have very little interest in finding new ways of making that professional idiom stick to my forehead for the rest of my life. My own shoe size has growing for quite some time now but I just didn’t realize it until now.
I’d already had my revolution, I just wasn’t willing to let go of the familiarity of normal life as I knew it.
There are too many variables in doing something new and different, you can’t rely on the same tactics that you could when in familiar surroundings. There are too many definite changes that affect too many people yet if you move with the understanding that with change comes challenge and you adapt to your surroundings you effectively diminish any adverse behaviors and outcomes.Surprisingly conquering the limitations placed on yourself and having the ability to foresee your future in a more positive light makes you more motivated to keep pushing forward, therefore not drowning as your fear predicted.
My choices weren't what I should do but allowing myself the freedom to do what I was capable of doing.
I'm a damn good AA, starting this business would be work and lots of it. I knew the work and the plan. Its familiar ground and it will allow me to hone my people skills and make contacts. It will also allow me to not go back into the corporate structure but it will also allow me to teach on weekends and in the evenings.
I want what I want right now but the sad fact is public speaking and workshops will be a luxury because it won't pay very much in the beginning but it’s my passion and I more than anything believe in pursuing your passion. So I have to make a trade off, I have to garner a small business that will take care of my bills while I build up my engagements.
I have to move backwards to ensure that my growth spurts don't get in the way of my growth.
That's what I've been fighting, making those concessions but the honesty of it all is I have to be responsible while living my passion...I may be a size seven today but by August I could very well be a size ten.
Causes Mya Speeks Supports
The Leeway Foundation