I've finally decided to take this seriously
writing to me is like breathing but with anything you really love you've got to set some boundaries
I don't work well with boundaries...it's kinda like telling me not to go eat the ice cream in the freezer....I'm gonna do it any way.
I've been slacking, maybe paying too much attention to facebook, twitter and email and youtube and the amazing race to really get anything going.
Soooo since I've decided that I am now the most important thing in the world, I might as well act like it.
So I decided to apply for workshops, seminars and anything else that's free and will get me moving in the writing direction. Fortunately there are a number of things out there for a poor sap like me to get started.You'd be surprised what information you find if you actually look for it instead of reading the people page on aol.com.
I have been a corporate girl for way too long, I'm accustomed to a structure that doesn't exist for me anymore so I have to recreate it until I fully disengage from the way of life I've known.
That so far is the problem, I'm programmed to report in at a certain time, produce a product and receive a pay check. That's the mentality of someone whose never really relied on their own skills before. I can trick myself into playing along for a while but in the back of my mind I'm waiting for the moment when I find a corporate position where its safe and secure with benefits and daily routine that gives insipid instructions on how I live my daily life. OOOps did I say that out loud.
I'm sorry, that's the other part of me that's developing quite nicely it doesn't have filters or boundaries.
So for a bit I've been listening to people who have been through what I'm going through now, grabbing bits and peices here and there that I can work with and digest so that I completely unstand what I've been avoiding... my purpose in life.
We all have one...as dopey and bitchy and ignorant and robotic as we all can be at times WE ALL HAVE A PURPOSE IN LIFE. My purpose I've discovered is one where I teach, I teach through words and I plant seeds in the minds of those around me.
I may NEVER see the results of those seeds I've planted but I most definitely plant, because everyone I come in contact with I have to leave them with something. Words are powerful things, they're suggestive and they seduce the very beings within their presence because they express so much.
I know I sound like a soap commercial but its ok I've had sugar
I realize I'm evolving, evolution is something to be feared in our society because it can't be counted on to react like it doesn't exist or that it fits in a box, you never quite know what you're going to ge. I've asked and I've received and I've discovered how truly scared I am because i'm stepping out on faith every time I do something I've never done before. Yet as uncomfortable as that is, its thrilling and I like it because it makes me think of other stuff I never thought of before.
I'm like a kid in a candy store.... I've got so much to choose from that I don't know where to start.
So here I am, unlearning and freeing myself so that I live my best possible life
I'm exploring and I'm searching and I don't know what's at the other end, I'm relying on my senses and the faith of knowing that even if I fall I can get up and try it again...I just know what not to do next time.
For the first time in a long while I'm not looking to the want ads to find my security and THAT is a very difficult place for me.
The corporate jungle has lots of perks, it allows you freedoms that you become accustomed to...like eating, paying your rent on time and having television. OO OO and toys like laptops and internet and telephone service...ahhhhh.
but it also has too many pits and fires and ceilings and stuffed shirts, I can learn to live without them if I just keep trying on new clothes and seeking out new people. I've been learning how to navigate without some of the perks I guess I can keep going.
Now that I look at it, I was grooming myself for this moment since I was 20 years old and I wrote my first real poem that asked me to let go and fly free.
I have lived the corporate life and it has given me wonderful times, friends and structure but now i've got to figure out how to live on purpose using all the skills I learned while I was waiting for my real life to start. So many people are waiting for their real lives to start...jeez do we ever really get there without taking chances or sacraficing a pay check
I've been living with boundaries so long under the corporate umbrella that I literally have turned my brain to mush because i don't know how to function without going to a place that i hate everyday for a pay check that is so inadequate I can't afford anything but a layaway plan.
So beginning tomorrow morning I won't be checking facebook at the first sign of internet life on my netbook, tweeting greetings or checking emails.
I work best in the morning, my brain is fresh with ideas and its closer to the sun.
you know I'll forget but i'll post a pack of sticky notes to the computer just in case i decide I'm not ready for the big leagues yet.
I'll work out the kinks....you know there are always kinks in the plan... and I'll probably get to a moment too when I just have to check to see who's doing what when and how come I didn't know about but I'll drag myself back to the realities of my new life...the one where I set my own boundaries so that I can produce what my heart has been trying to get out.
The universe has been calling...I guess I better answer the friggin phone.
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