I've got 15 minutes to write a blog, get dressed and get out the door so i can get to the DMV before it gets crowded.
I'ma do it...don't worry
I've been living in the past recently, allowing my past failures to reclaim some present space in my head
I leave in about 3 weeks for a journey that has and will change my life
not just professionally
i have worked on being a voice of socially active change in the black community not because its easy, fun or win me any awards but because i know where the line goes. its kinda like when neo gets ready to bolt from the black limo in the middle of the rainstorm and trinity says to him "....you've been down that road before, you know where it goes". i do know where it goes, i've lived it and i've watched it in the faces and postures of people who look like me, who share a history that is so convoluted and so damaging that we spent nearly 200 years trying to overcompensate and then another 40 trying to cover up the scars, the mental baggage and the incestuous belief that we aren't worthy.
for a lot of people the black bottom blues is just a means to get to africa so they can see the "motherland",
get some mileage out of a few poems
and gawk at the people and say "ain't i better off than....." or "thank god i'm not...."
for some of them its a trip for me its a life.
i found myself in africa,
in between the pushing and the shoving and the dust and the sounds, the water and the sand
i discovered who i was really, and i liked it.
i discovered that even when people who say they don't understand why my culture is so god awful backwards and self deprecating, i found beauty in their misunderstandings and the stereotypes that they continued to replicate.
they didn't understand us and i didn't understand them but i gained a respect for my culture by looking at theirs,
it wasn't the overall life of black people it was the everyday.
the way we comb our daughters hair, the way we made our collard greens, the way we dragged our children down the street because they walked too slow and we only had 5 minutes to catch the bus and be on time for work, school, job, appointments.
there was beauty in the way black men kissed a black woman and the way they greeted one another.
it was they way they talked to each other and slapped one another on the back and laughed.
it was the promise to one another that i'ma let you see me "blow up" so you can follow.
we are a beautiful people who forgot just how beautiful we are
i want the black bottom blues to bring that back in some way, i want it to tell the story of a connection that was broken. not because we didn't want the connection but because we didn't know we needed it.
we are the mutts of the world,
forever trying to blend in and be apart of something so that we can feel better and belong.
but what some of us don't get is that we already belong to something. we belong to a history that is so vast that it can't be captured or explained it has to be felt.
i want us to have a conversation not so we can accuse the other of what they aren't but to find out what we're like and talk about it even if we disagree with it.
that's what i want
but i've been worried about money and about travel arrangements and disappointing people that i couldn't concentrate
the money....well i'll get what i can and it'll be what it is
i said as long as i get'em on the plane i'm good, so i'll shake it fast and beg till i get there
i will NOT rework this calendar one more time because if i do my brain will explode,
several people have been generous enough to share their time with us just to talk and i'm grateful
but from right now i'm going to stop waking up at 3 am with anxiety ridden nightmares
i know why i'm doing this, i know what i'm expecting to accomplish
but the rest is pretty much outta my hands
for now i'll just have to relax....
breathe deep and let go (and let god)
its enough.....for right now
it has to be because it was the plan from the beginning.
Causes Mya Speeks Supports
The Leeway Foundation