What a let down. Through out all the chaos at work this week; juggling trucks and rail cars, cutting suppliers off, redoing the order for the upcoming weeks 3 times; I kept thinking about going out tonight to a new place (for me) with some new friends and being able to relax. But the wheel of life spun and ended up, once again, on "Hard Luck, You Lose". After hearing that things were canceled I kept on working on my quality index. Usually working with numbers can absorb my attention to the exclusion of all else, but every few minutes "damn" would float across my mind. So a break to write and let all those evil thoughts run out through my fingertips.
Honestly, I'm not 6; things happen, no one is happy with this development; so why am I feeling like someone took away my lolly pop. I want to stomp my foot, clench my fists, yell, stick my lip out and pout. Goodness, that brings back a memory of my uncle tweeking my lip and saying "a little bird is going to come poop on your lip if you keep sticking it out". It always made me laugh in spite of how I felt. I'd bat his hand away and he'd tussle my hair and everything would look better.
I need to find something else to do tonight. I'm just not very good at going into new places where I don't know someone, especially when everyone knows each other. I've done it twice this week and while both times turned out positive I don't know if I have it in me to do it a third time. People that know we would be surprised to hear me say this. Everyone takes me for this bold, confident person that tackles new situations enthusiastically. That's the outside: on the inside is a quaking, nervous, little girl that is afraid that no one will like her. But if I just stay at home then I won't meet new people or do new things so I do it, but it doesn't come naturally. I like the idea of it but the actual doing is not easy. Why doesn't it get easier? When I do something new, my experience is very rarely negative. I've ended up with new friends and new interests from taking a chance but it never seems to get any easier.
Back to stats and then a purusal of what's happening in town tonight. No sitting at home and pouting....time to explore.