I'm glad to be sitting outside in the false dawn with the cats exploring and a few visible star watching over me. I woke up from a dream in the middle of night and was most thankful to find that it was a dream and nothing that had happened was real. Atypically, I remember the dream even now. Usually, when I have a bad dream, as I wake up I am saying to myself "forget, forget, forget". That's how I know it was a nightmare and I remember the feeling of dread but not the details. This time I do and I wish I didn't. The night didn't improve so I gave it and turn to writing therapy. Can this have happened because I didn't have time to write yesterday? Did I have demons to exercise? It's been a busy and somewhat strange week but I didn't think I had anything very bad meandering the corridors of the labyrinth of my mind.
I kept looking for a time to write yesterday but couldn't find it and then last night when I had time, nothing would come. I started to obsess about not posting a blog and then said "stop that, no one is going to beat you up for missing a day so stop doing it to yourself". And I actually listened, relaxed, and worked on some things for organizing the fall women's tennis league. I was feeling good when I went to bed...we had ended up on the wrong end of a 2-1 match but my team mates played well, fought hard and had fun. They both went to 3 sets and one pair ended up having to change courts in the middle when the lights were automatically turned off. They finished at 11 pm with the win for the team. Talked with a friend, have nice plans for the weekend, it should have been a peaceful night.
I'm having an odd thought that I'm cleansing myself of negative energy as I type; that I'm breathing in refreshment with the morning sun and ejecting darkness from my fingertips. It's not going into the writing it's just flowing out with the motion. Perhaps it gest converted to something go once it's released. Yes, I like that thought; turning a negative into a positive. That feels right.
Now that I have started writing publically I wonder what I was afraid of, why it took me so long. Those feelings have also escaped through my fingertips. Now I'm glad to see that there are people looking at my posts. I've connected with some other people here and find that I'm not alone in how I look at the world. It's liberating. As the sun comes up, I take a deep breath and am ready to face the day. The demons of the night have been released and evaporated like the phantoms that they are along with the morning mist. The exploring cats are back. Time for breakfast.