I’ve Died and gone to Heaven
I have a gift bestowed to me and it is the ability that I have to talk to the other side! Some call it being psychic, but if it should have any label, I would rather that it be called 'my funny feelings' because that's what they are to me! They are mine and I don't really feel like labeling them, as that really wouldn’t do them the justice that they deserve! I have no control over them; I don't always understand where they come from or whom they are for, or what they mean. They are raw and uncontrollable and this is the way I feel that they should stay, because although I feel them and I mean 'physically feel them', I know they are not mine and I appreciate that I don't always have a true understanding of what they mean, but I do know that eventually they will find a way to bring meaning to something or someone and so for that reason, I have to feel blessed and allow myself to accept them for what they are 'funny feelings, that do not really ever truly belong to me'
With them these feelings often bring me great comfort and at times they make me feel in awe of the spirit that is allowing me to feel them, because they give me just a glimpse into the beauty that is the spiritual world and they make me feel protected and allow me to continue to have the belief that everything happens for a reason and that no matter where you are or what you are doing in any part of the world, loved ones that you feel you may have lost forever through their departure from this life, are always there for you and they are always looking after you, on a deeper level than you could ever begin to fully comprehend! Let me first share with you a poem of mine that I wrote a few weeks ago and then this will then lead me on to tell you the rest of my story, it really is quite spectacular (in my opinion) and when I think about it...it gives me a great feeling of warmth and it has shown me a love that has taken me to another level!
When it’s their time
I'm a free spirit never alone always around you, I visit your home!
I'm there when you laugh; I'm there when you cry,
and I’m there when you celebrate, so ask me oh why?
I go where there is pain, I bring it all out, I move things around,
and I make you question what you've got.
I hold your hand, when you think you are alone,
I put things in front of you that you need to take home!
When something is lost, I'll help it to be found,
but I'll only deliver it, when you notice it's not around!
So don't think you’re crazy, don't think its fate,
it’s normally my voice that you will hear when you are up late.
When you stepped into the road and the driver screeched to a halt,
it was I that walked in front him, when he said he saw a ghost!
When you are drunk and disoriented and you can't find your way home,
It’s my thoughts that are planted inside you, that will eventually get you home!
When you can't find your keys or you are late for your bus,
It was I that stopped you from being there, so you weren’t involved in that crash.
When the phone rings and you know its bad news,
that feeling in the pit of your stomach, was me showing you what you are about to lose.
But don't be alarmed, everyone has their time, I am there to help deliver them,
I will comfort them when it's their time.
Back in early August, I started getting ‘funny feelings’ I can remember them like they happened only yesterday and this is because my funny feelings are very vivid and they can have a profound effect on me. I tend to write down how they make me feel, as I have found that this can kind of give me a little bit of a relief, because if I'm being honest with you, sometimes they have the ability to consume me and I have been known to say to my husband ' I don't know which are my own feelings and which are my funny feeling?! This only happens to me when they are coming through thick and fast (I'm pleased to say) because otherwise I think they could drive a sane person crazy!
Anyway back to August...I had a really bad feeling, it hit me really hard physically, I knew it was going to be bad and that it was connected to someone close to me and this was because it was so painful and the feelings that I was experiencing were really pulling on my heart strings! I felt like I was not only dealing with my own grief but the grief of a thousand people! It was bad!
So I wrote down the following....
Having terrible pains in my left shoulder near my collar bone and also just under my left rib cage, my stomach feels like its being squashed, my lungs feel restricted and I feel like I'm having a heart attack, getting numb feeling in my left arm, pins and needles and had shooting pain down my left arm too, feel very uncomfortable like I can't breath properly, it's awful and I can't bloody sleep, this is very serious! It's not me, it's my funny feelings again! I need to sleep!
After I had wrote down how I was feeling, I had a little relief, but not for long! These bad feelings would still come back to me at different times of the day or night, there was no pattern to them and I just had to accept that it was down to when the spirit was deciding to share these feelings with me. I can’t force these feelings; I can’t ask them to go away, I can’t ask them to be clearer in their communication… they happen at the right time! I know I have to accept that!
Over the years I have become more open about my funny feelings, I think this comes from the confidence I have in myself; I have got to an age in my life where I don’t really care about what other peoples opinions are of me; if they label me crazy or insane then that is their opinion! I know my own mind and I am not ashamed of the gift that I have, especially if I can use it to help people! Anyway I am digressing away from the story, so I will continue!
The feelings that I was receiving got so bad, that I found that I was talking about them quite frequently; to the point that I felt I needed to make my brothers and sister aware of them; as I felt I needed to prepare them for the devastating news that we were about to hear!
I text my close family and told them that I had been hearing my mother’s voice (my mother died 11years ago) on regular basis and her message was very clear, she had kept saying, ‘we are going to take him’! (I tried not to think too much about this; because like I have told you, these feelings and voices I hear from the other side can really torment me, if I was to allow them too.) My family was obviously concerned, as they have had lots of experiences with my funny feelings over the years.
My brother at the same time that I was having these feelings had also been getting terrible pains in his stomach, to the point that is worried his girlfriend so much that she actually got in touch with me to see if I thought that maybe it was my brother that something bad was going to happen to, but I knew in my heart of hearts that it was not my brother that was being prepared for heaven, it was in fact one of my mothers brothers. I knew that my mother was almost ready to take my uncle to the other side!
I work as a part time receptionist and I often share my funny feelings with my close work friends and on Wednesday the 10th of October, I told my Friend Tom that I felt like I was dying, (Tom was not surprised by any of this, he just listened and looked at me like I was a little crazy!), I really did feel like I was dying and as I left work for the evening, I said to another of my friends that my uncle was going to die.
I left work and put my words and thoughts behind, but they didn’t leave me for very long, because on Saturday the 13th of October I was in the relaxation part of my yoga class when I heard my mother say ‘It’s not long now Shelly’! I came home and told my husband! I knew that the time was coming and I was just waiting for the bad news to be delivered!
The following day, I was stood in a supermarket queue when I had the most gripping pain in my chest; I felt like I was having a massive heart attack! I clutched my chest and said to my husband, ‘this pain is horrendous’!
We left the supermarket and called in at our friends for a cup of tea and as we were stood in her kitchen a white feather very slowly spiraled from the ceiling and my friend said; ‘I wonder were that has come from?’ I said; ‘someone has just died’
It was only a matter of moments before I found out who had died; I finished my cup of tea and drove the short distance home and not long after I walked through the door, my cousin Natalie came to my house looking a little shaken, my instinct knew that she was about to tell me something bad. Once Natalie had composed herself, she said ‘I’ve got some really bad news, Uncle Joe has died very suddenly’ (I knew at that very moment, that through my funny feelings, poetry and physical symptom that my mother had been trying to prepare me for the lost of my uncle and that since August she had been getting ready to take her brother to heaven).
After I got over the initial shock and upset that comes with an experience like this, I suddenly felt a sense of peace and I turned to my cousin and husband and said; ‘ I know what it feels like to die and go to heaven’ and they both said; ‘what does it feel like?’ and I said; ‘peaceful….because all our loved ones are waiting in line to comfort us’
Which leads me on to my final poem; I received this poem the day after my uncle died
Waiting in heaven.
Our time has been, yours has just past,
we kept you safe until it was your turn to rest!
We knew when it was close, to bringing you here;
we saw your path that we helped to clear!
We shone a light; we guided your way,
patiently waiting until you were near.
You heard our voices; you questioned your life,
all you have done and been, flashed before you, at the end of your life!
You didn’t feel afraid; we prepared you well,
all the stories have been told, so that others can share!
Your time has come; we waited in line, to greet you here,
in another lifetime.
Your soul is safe, we've preserved it well, and your body has become a shell, which has served you so well.
You won't now feel pain; you won't feel any loss, because we are your loved ones who have shared out your loss.
Some will cry others will laugh, some will feel a grief, that they've never experienced in their life.
But time heals wounds, angels bring light, we have been waiting in heaven for you to start a new life!
I printed this poem out and placed it in the card that I sent to my uncle’s wife. A few days later I had the opportunity to sit down with my Auntie and she thanked me for the poem and said that she knew that in times of her deepest grief, this poem would give her hope.
I hope you have enjoyed this blog and that it has given you the hope that you need to know, that there will always be someone waiting in heaven for you.
Thank you as always for taking the time to read my blog and please feel free to share my story with those that you think it may help.