A malaise holds my heart and mind. Life has been too much of the same. My ruts have deepened to the point that I can't see out of them.
I need to rescue myself from my tedium of routines. My wife believes I need an ocean fix, a few days at the beach to walk along and smell the sea, awe at the waves and revel at their roar.
Thta might be. The swelling, restless waters soothe my restlessness and replishes me. I feel like Rabbit, my life is corrupted and dissatisfying, a momentary state caused by too much. Too much is like that. Too much will overload and corrupt you. Moderation is needed, even moderation in working, writing, and dwelling. I need a break out.
It's been but six weeks since my last break out, an escape to Vegas but so it is in winter when the gray and brown cold weather blankets us and that big old hot orb treats us like rude party crashers. My daily walks are exhilerating but they are the same. The cats are sweet and loving but can I have some space? My wife is lovely and intelligent but can I breath air that's different air from her air? And work, ah, the exhileration of spreadsheets, emails and conference calls, such joys in pursuit of savings, savings and profits.
Nothing on that litany causes my troubles. It's just me and my nature. I'm lost and I don't know what I seek or I know what I seek and feel too impotent to reach it.
Mine isn't a unique situation. So many of us are rabbits, dashing to and fro our daily holes, pretending this is life. It's all a mind game.
Sometimes my mind loses.
Causes Michael Seidel Supports
Kiva, Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, Propublica.org, Doctors Without Borders, GreaterGood.com