I feel like a piece of scrap paper being mistreated by storm. Just couldn't get hold of a chapter.
Blaming its abstract nature and complexities, I wrote, edited and revised on an endless loop, massaging it closer and closer to what it should be.
The chapter remained a fail.
Embracing a whim yesterday, I rewrote the chapter and revised it a third or fourth time, then terminated it in what was essentially the middle. The other change was that the character failed, his plan going awry, slightly changing the course of actions. I reflected on the change throughout the day's remaining hours and again this morning. I felt it was the right thing to do but doubts hung on. I wondered if maybe I was having troubles and this change was some sort of easy escape.
Today, walking, I passed a beautiful elm. Red as hot coal embers, the tree was one of the first to turn colors and yet had all of its leaves. Speculating that it's probably called a fire elm, I let the idea worm into the novel writing's substance. With that I suddenly had a grasp where the next segment was to go.
I realized I'd made a classic error: while focusing on my ideas and concepts, I'd lost some track of the story telling. I experienced my writing troubles because my character was resisting the story I was trying to write. He knew that what I was writing wasn't how the effort would go. He was dealing with a force and to deal with a force and not experience great strife mocked the force's power and majesty. Of course he needed to experience a setback. He needed to fight to succeed but after that, he would rise again - maybe with some unexpected help. That's curled into my head but I'm not sure who or how they would help.
All those matters came together on my walk in to write, after my morning meetings were over, the cats were fed, and I'd answered my work emails and planned my tasks. Now my first sips of four shots of espresso blended with Mexican mocha is warming me.
Time to write like crazy.
Causes Michael Seidel Supports
Kiva, Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, Propublica.org, Doctors Without Borders, GreaterGood.com