The working life continues to frustrate me, from computers and networks, to meetings and demands, co-worker obstinance, piss poor communications, and meaningless goals and processes.
Is this how it is for others?
Is this how it used to be? Has it always been this way?
Perhaps it's me. I'm older, more jaded and wearied by these treadmills of activities without end.
Yes, there is a component of me and those factors in this year of discontent. Looking back, though, I don't remember blissful days of working as a team, rolling in money in other employment. I remember some challenging work and working with some excellent people. Many of them became friends. I remember being disenchanted with my position and seeking other work, in other departments, companies and fields but I stayed in contact with those people because I enjoyed their company.
That, I think, is the difference. Here and now, there seems less opportunity to seek elsewhere. I feel more trapped.
There was much more of a social component to previous employment. Yes, we worked, and worked hard, but once in a while, we'd stop and sing happy birthday. I'd greet them in the morning and ask, "How is your family?" We would complain about traffic, chat about the weather, and visit about movies, books, and television shows. Here it's simply, "Who is on the call, here's the agenda, let's get started."
So the nature of working remotely, globally, with little contact with other adds a component of dissatisfaction, as it turns work into pure business, undistilled by human interaction. In fact, the humanity is minimized. We don't talk about one another as people with lives; we talk about costs and timelines.
The other shortcoming is frustration. No matter how hard I seem to work, how many hours put in, what data I analyze, progress comes so slowly it can't be appreciated. So many projects are being simultaneously addressed that satisfaction with one is quickly washed out by frustration in the many others going on. I can advocate change but I can't control any change. My advocacy is limited and diluted.
In many ways as I thought of my work life last night, I thought, this really feels like it's cursed. It feels like, if something can go wrong, it will go wrong so I open email each day and call into meetings to see, okay, what's gone wrong now?
So, besides feeling more trapped and limited in what I can accomplish, there's a sense of dread with work. What will now go wrong? It's not a fun way to work.
I'm sure many people in other employment go through like periods. At least in my work existence, there's not the heartbreak of actual life and death. I'm not operating on someone, trying to save their house from burning down, or responding to a domestic violence case.
So I've written about it, vented some again, gotten it out of my system - a little - and added some perspective.
Now I must go in and re-enter some requisitions I entered on November 19th. There was no approval authority listed against me, for which they chided me for not telling them when my managers had changed, and listed a manager that had never been my manager. The requisitions were deleted and must be done again.
Then I'll work on next quarter's forecast and budge, which is due on Monday.
And I'll work on pushing through repair orders that were cancelled because the guy who put them in was killed, no one else knew what was going on, and they cancelled them without coming to me about them.
Yeah, once again, sing it with me, poor, poor pity poor me.
Thanks for reading and letting me vent.
Causes Michael Seidel Supports
Kiva, Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, Propublica.org, Doctors Without Borders, GreaterGood.com