I don't know how or why but I have over 1,000,000 pairs of underwear, according to the latest underwear drawer census.
I may be exaggerating.
(Exaggerating is a word I always misspell. I always want to assign it two 'exes', two 'rs' and one 'g'.)
Perhaps my underwear is mating. I don't know underwear's reproductive habits. (Have the Brits done a show on that sort of wildlife? It seems like they've made shows about every other sort of wildlife.) It seems like the opposite of my socks situation. Socks disappear in the laundry. Everyone knows that. No one is sure where they go. Florida? Mars? (Wasn't there a book, "Socks Go to Mars"?) Apparently socks never reproduce in captivity, for their population is always dwindling.
My underwear are colorful boxers. Most are plaids but there are some solid red, blues, greens and purples in there. I purged some garments one or two years ago so all are in good condition. The purge was necessary. Some had lost their elasticity while others...well, let's just note that there were holes and leave it with that.
What bothers me is that I have so many pairs of underwear (and why are they called pairs) but I typically wear the same five or six pairs, if I followed the rotation. That's because my wife does the laundry and returns the same one to the top of the drawer.
I feel bad for the other underwear not being worn. It's like they're being deprived of their reason for being.
So I rotate the stacks and piles, trying to get other garments into the game. I can't say that it makes any difference to the underwear. They all perform when called and show no signs of distress when not worn.
It may be that all of this is in my head.
I try rotating all of my clothing - belts, shoes, jeans, sweaters, shirts - but they're more functionally and seasonally designed. My boxers are all weather garments, able to hold their own no matter the season or hour.
It just happens that I pulled my favorite pair from the drawer today. They're my favorite for their slate blue color and their fit around my waist and legs.
Don't tell the rest that this pair is my favorite, though. It's a secret. I wouldn't want the others to learn that there is a favorite pair. They might get depressed and quit reproducing. Then it would be like the sock drawer, all over again.
Causes Michael Seidel Supports
Kiva, Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, Propublica.org, Doctors Without Borders, GreaterGood.com