To use a few be- words, I'm feeling besieged and beleaguered, circumstances caused by others depending on me. I don't feel like the king of the castle or master of my domain.
I can be the king and the master if I reduce the size of my castle or diminish my domain.
Perhaps that's what draws me toward the writing process. Writing fiction allows me to be the king and master.
It's a comforting position to take. By abdicating other castles and domains other than my writing, I have less demands and suffer less stress and frustration. Leaving or reducing the domains and castles are not easily done, though. In the case of my wife, I don't want to pursue ending our joint stewardship.
...most of the time....
Don't ask me to quantify the time.
No doubt she would say the same. I'm frequently less than a lovely being. Looking back at the last half of the work month, I was probably worse, as events beyond my control made me the point person in figuring out what to do and then enduring cross examinations as other second-guessed and vetted my recommendations and realized the many additional impacts. It's a scattergun effect from around the world.
That, with the rat issues at home, my wife's computer issues, illness and social commitments, all piled up. (On a side note, it's amazing how much formatting trouble Microsoft Word has with different versions of its program.)
That's why 'hold on' as a mantra works well. Hold on and make it through this day, this issue, this event, crises, problem, moment. Hold on.
Helps having a vision to encourage myself to hold on. The vision remains writing fiction as a daily vocation and making enough money to augment my military pension so that I can enjoy the writing life.
Hold on means persevere, endure, have faith, believe, keep working, keep trying, keep going. Hold on - get back up when I feel beaten down.
So there's the mantra. Hold on. Keep going. Believe there will be a better day after the next dawn.
Or maybe the one after that....
Causes Michael Seidel Supports
Kiva, Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, Propublica.org, Doctors Without Borders, GreaterGood.com