To use a few be- words, I'm feeling besieged and beleaguered, circumstances caused by others depending on me.  I don't feel like the king of the castle or master of my domain.  

I can be the king and the master if I reduce the size of my castle or diminish my domain.  

Perhaps that's what draws me toward the writing process.  Writing fiction allows me to be the king and master.

It's a comforting position to take.  By abdicating other castles and domains other than my writing, I have less demands and suffer less stress and frustration.  Leaving or reducing the domains and castles are not easily done, though.  In the case of my wife, I don't want to pursue ending our joint stewardship.

...most of the time....

Don't ask me to quantify the time.

No doubt she would say the same.  I'm frequently less than a lovely being.  Looking back at the last half of the work month, I was probably worse, as events beyond my control made me the point person in figuring out what to do and then enduring cross examinations as other second-guessed and vetted my recommendations and realized the many additional impacts.  It's a scattergun effect from around the world.  

That, with the rat issues at home, my wife's computer issues, illness and social commitments, all piled up.  (On a side note, it's amazing how much formatting trouble Microsoft Word has with different versions of its program.)  

That's why 'hold on' as a mantra works well.  Hold on and make it through this day, this issue, this event, crises, problem, moment.  Hold on.  

Helps having a vision to encourage myself to hold on.  The vision remains writing fiction as a daily vocation and making enough money to augment my military pension so that I can enjoy the writing life.  

Hold on means persevere, endure, have faith, believe, keep working, keep trying, keep going. Hold on - get back up when I feel beaten down.  

So there's the mantra.  Hold on.  Keep going.  Believe there will be a better day after the next dawn.

Or maybe the one after that....