It is remarkable how life and existence seem to travel as wheels rolling in cycles. While I was sick, I observed four symptoms cycling within my condition:
1. Energy levels
2. Coughing and phlegm
3. Chills, fever and sweats
4. Aches and pains
They were wheels, turning in their own cyles. When the four cycles coincided, it was miserable - violently coughing, chilled with a fever, head splitting apart, neck and joints aching, sweating, blowing out gobs of mucus. At its worse, the cycles were short and violent. As recovery began, the cycles widened, becoming more distinct, with peaks coming further apart and diminishing in intensity.
My mantra for today was almost, 'Don't fight yourself.' As I meditated about what I wanted to take into the day, 'Lean forward' won out. I rejected 'Look forward' because I think looking back to acknowledged what you've traveled so you know where you're going is important.
But 'Don't fight yourself' would have been an equally good mantra. I've learned, at last, that I will have days that are negative. I try shifting that negative energy and recycling it into positive energy but I've learned not to 'actively resist'. I'll have days of less energy, less satisfaction, that are more frustrating and disappointing.
But these are cycles. With the illness cycles, I learned to endure them until they pass and then pick back up where I was. And each of those debilitating cycles of illness had an equally strong peak of feeling good, where I thought I was recovered. I took advantage of them when they came to clean up, read and rest.
All these thoughts of cycle arrived with the expanding sense that I was emerging from one negative cycle into a positive cycle, a cycle of my life that's greater than days and years. I've felt this before, that I've entered into good, neutral and bad cycles. They tend to last for several years. I don't think it can be characterized as a seven year cycle. It's a rhythm.
Sure, some will reply, the circadian rhythm, but that's more of a body clock regulating our sleep . I suspect that the rhythms are unique for each of us. Not all of us endure the same foods in the same way. People are lactose intolerant, have food allergies, and varying metabolisms and genetic dispositions. Our cycles are just as unique.
Women know this better than men. They're tied to their menstrual cycle until menopause, a cycle of hormones coupled to a cycle of life and physical processes. Each learn what their own menses is like, whether it's short, heavy on the first day, spotty on the last two, or some other variation. They learn to watch and track it according to what their eating and what's happening in their life as stresses strike and their bodies change.
Beyond, though, these body functions of hormones, sleep, illnesses and changes, seems to be a greater rhythm at work. Perhaps those who follow astrology is right, we're guided by the planets and the moons. Whatever it is, I feel like I'm moving back into a cycle of greater creativity, satisfaction and success.
I hope I'm right and I hope it's a long cycle.
Causes Michael Seidel Supports
Kiva, Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, Propublica.org, Doctors Without Borders, GreaterGood.com