I could not find my mantra today. I seached for the slow leak in me that's draining my fuel and starving my engine. I can feel my body shaking with the last of it as the engine coughs and sputters. I'm waiting for the engine to die today.
This video captures much of my daily maze races. I'm always struggling to remain aware enough of who I am and who others are, cognizant that how other people may appear to be is the moment's snapshot. The moment is not their life just as the first time that a butterfly spreads its wings and captures lift is not its life.
The late David Foster Wallace wrote the video's comments, a Kenyon College commencement speech delivered May 21, 2005, so you may have already heard the speech or read it. The Glossary excerpted some of the words and created this video, This Is Water.
As I cope with techie issues, mind numbing business demands that are useless in the real world while defining what the real world has become to many of us, and I sing laments about my first world middle class white male ennui, I struggle to keep my eyes open, pry my mind back open, and listen to others and think about what is happening while hoping to understand why.
On most days, I hunt for balance through reading, writing, thinking, walking and meditating. Most days, balance isn't found. I keep searching, like all those explorers looking for the fountain of youth, the spice islands, or an easier way around the world.
Even with techie trials and streaming issues amid rants about why modern technology doesn't deliver as well as it should, I find salvation in others' creativity and its access on the web. Thank whatever powers and people there are that so many are so talented, creative and driven that they deliver these moments of words, music and art to us, that even though I'm trapped in my maze, I can look up, hear and discover, there is still something more to find.
The leak is plugged. Fuel begins flowing. The engine resumes its steady rumbling.
I go on again.
Causes Michael Seidel Supports
Kiva, Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, Propublica.org, Doctors Without Borders, GreaterGood.com