I watched a blind man cross the street. He used a cane to reach the street's edge. Then he bent his head and listened. I looked each way, assessing his risks with my eyes as he did the same with his ears. Then, trusting what he heard, he ran across the street, his cane tapping ahead of him.
And I thought, I must forget what I know.
I didn't think it that day. The blind man crossed the street a week ago as I was walking.
As I write about change and balance, I thought how false I was being. I wasn't embracing change.
Personal history is written with actions, memories, words and emotions. The emotional part is really strong.
I've let my emotions dictate my logic. Then I use my logic to rationalize my positions. I'm very good at doing this. I've practiced.
Past success doesn't guarantee future success. Past failures are not harbingers of future failures.
I berate my father and my memory of him for his inability to be someone else as I follow the same path I did last year and the year before, ten years ago, twenty, thirty, forty.... I expect him to change but I won't change because I don't expect him to change?
How is that for logic?
Insanity is said to be doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. It's attributed to Albert Einstein. What's more difficult and less often addressed is what is being done. Is it the same thing? Especially so when dealing with people. How often are we exactly the same each day?
I had already decided I would attend my father's 80th birthday. But the reasons I'll do it are different today. As much as it's about my relationship with him, it's also about my relationship with myself. I need to let go of the past to move into the future. Otherwise that past will weigh be down and keep me from going anywhere.
Time to call Dad's wife, thank her for what she's trying to do, and accept her invitation.
I'm looking forward to being there.
Causes Michael Seidel Supports
Kiva, Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, Propublica.org, Doctors Without Borders, GreaterGood.com