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The Apps Will Come

Riders are spurring their mounts across the nation, spreading the word, "Google glasses are coming, Google glasses are coming."

"To stores, to stores," villagers are yelling back although a few sub, "To the Internet!"

Their alarm is premature.  The Google googles are coming but Google is selecting who gets the first ones.

Arguments are sprouting up about whether Google lenses should be permitted to be worn while driving.  That bastion of advanced thinking, West Virginia (motto - "What century is this?"), is already proposing to deny them being worn while driving.

I say to let drivers wear the glasses but have an app that tells the wearers pedestrians are in the way.  I suggest it because I come so close to being hit every few days while walking even here in pedestrian friendly Ashland, Oregon.  While I enjoy the extra shot of adrenalin these close calls provide, the extra gray hairs do little for my sex q.

So give drivers an app that shouts, "Pedestrian, pedestrian," at them.  A little jolt of electricity might help, too.  Not much, maybe fifty volts.  We just want their attention, heh, heh.  That might equal the jolt I feel as their car mirror breezes past me inches away.

I think Google glasses would be an excellent addition to drivers.  Most drivers are so underwhelmed by the driving experience of metal flashing past a few inches away that they're actually bored.  If the truth would ever come out, it's really boredom that's the root cause of most traffic accidents.  People get bored and then distracted, just like elementary school students.  They're thinking, "I wonder if I put on underwear this morning?  I'd hate to be taken to the hospital and find out I don't have underwear on when I get there although I don't know why they're taking me to the hospital.  But how many people know they'll be going to the hospital when they dress that morning?" Then they're trying to reach down their clothing to feel for their underwear.  That's what causes accidents.

So put on the glasses and let them surf the Internet as they drive.  As some proponents of wearing the glasses note, the Google glasses could actually aid many people when driving.

I agree.  Most people would love something that helps them drive.  They need specs that tell them, "The light has turned green.  You can go now."  Some also need to be reminded, "Gas pedal is on the right, the gas pedal is on the right.  You must press it to go."

I'm sure very few drivers would be tempted to do other things with their glasses, like play computer games.  No one would follow March Madness to see if Florida Gulf Coast or Harvard continue their winning ways.  Perhaps one or two percent might be tempted to watch a movie, commercial, or television show but we can afford such a small amount of distracted drivers on the road because the rest of us are just that good.

Well, yes, there might be someone updating their Facebook status by voice entry, "Going 80 on I 280 by Coyote Point, just got passed by a Ferrari!"  A few may also want to note aggressive drivers they encounter, like, "Watch out for the woman in the silver Volvo, they just cut me off."  I could see that as a boon for driving safety.  We need to be warned about silver Volvo drivers.  They're very, very dangerous, especially those that hail from Canada. 

If it's like my experience with computer technology, the Google glasses will never fail.  They'll do exactly as I desire, when desire.  The glasses will never increase anyone's stress by failing to load a page or freezing while watching a video of a sky diving wedding.  Wearers will never become frustrated by having bizarre search responses come up in response to their request to find the nearest Chevy Restaurant. 

Of course, no one would watch porn on them because everyone knows there is no porn on the Internet.  Besides, any citizen be tempted to watch porn on their glasses while driving would undoubtably refrain.

Personally, I want Google peeps for my home use.  I need an app that will record what I planned to do in the other room.  I want to be able to say, "Glasses, I'm going to go in the other room to make a cup of coffee.  Don't let me leave without making it."  Then, when I'm in the kitchen and ask myself, "What did I come in here for again," the glasses will remind me, "You were going to make coffee."

The drawback to the glasses with such a reminder app is that it would eliminate much of the conversation I have with my wife.  Gone would be the call and response that begins, "What date did we go to the Collateral Repair Damage benefit?"  We would no longer share the laughter associated with, "Where are my glasses," or the more popular, "Where are my car keys?" 

Our relationship would be less stressful because we wouldn't be telling each other to remember something, statements that begin, "Don't let me forget," as if the other has a much more superior memory.  "Don't let me forget to cancel my hair appointment," my wife tells me.

"Okay, I won't," I answer, knowing I won't remember.  I then immediately say, "Remind me that I need to buy more caulk while I'm out."  I don't need more caulk but this way, when she accuses me of failing to remind her to cancel her hair appointment, I can retort, "You didn't remind me to buy more caulk," thus balancing the score.  A balanced score, along with sharing chocolate, is the key to a long marriage.  I'm uncertain about the key to a happy one.

So bring on the Google spectacles.  I'm sure they'll come up with all kinds of great apps once they're on the market. 

Probably the most popular app for drivers will be the Google glasses app that reminds them where they parked.