I've been riding that wheel of balance, struggling between the various tides of existence and relationships that tugs my energy like it's part of an old fashioned taffy pull.
Don't you love these mixed metaphors - riding a wheel that's part of a taffy pull?
To clarify, I was riding the wheel, trying to remain upright as it wobbled. A part of me - my metaphysical energy - was the aspect victimized as taffy.
I have to note here that I don't believe I've ever actually seen a taffy pull. I grew up with the expression and I've eaten taffy so I have this sense of people making an effort to pull this sticky stuff that doesn't come easily apart - but they continue pulling.
The pulling too me low. My taffy energy doesn't come easily apart, either, stretching out to the breaking point, but staying together, growing thinner and thinner. I've figured out - through writing and posting to Red Room - it's a regular tide. Something within me ebbs and flows, taking me low every few weeks. I reach depths where I want to scream with frustration and walk away from everything.
Wouldn't it be cool to be a hermit living in the mountains, where humans and their inconsistent ideas of peace, love and understanding can be avoided?
Yes, it would be cool, for those few days when I'm in the trough.
Writing forces me to think and writing about myself forces me to think about myself. Hence I knew what was happening as it came upon me. I endured it without telling everyone off, taking any lives, causing bodily home, or racing off for the hills. I think my trough days were shorter and I didn't fall as deeply because of my awareness, developed through thinking and writing.
I endured it by reminding myself what was important to me. Those reminders enabled me to re-channel my energy and reclaim it. I actually told myself aloud as I walked yesterday, "This is my energy. Nobody is stealing it from me. I'm taking it back."
The declaration energized me. I felt that wheel right itself. The taffy pull stopped.
I feel normal today. Now - to create a mixed metaphor trifecta - the wave crashed and a new one is building. I'm riding it - up.
Time to write like crazy again.
Causes Michael Seidel Supports
Kiva, Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, Propublica.org, Doctors Without Borders, GreaterGood.com