I've been experiencing problems, both at home and at work, and I blogged about it. Some fellow Redroomers read my frustrations and counseled me. One told me not to curse my computer.
It was an awareness lifting comment. I believe and practice positive thinking and positive energy. I'm an atheist but my primary guide was the late Florence Scovill Shinn.
She would have been a great blogger, a blogger, writing notes, before computers and blogging came along, new age before the Fifth Dimension sang "Age of Aquarius". She had an easy writing style that drew me in. Her experiences and anecdotes convinced me her spiritual methods were worth trying. Three of her books remain in my permanent library. Her affirmation exercises guided me past self-doubts, weariness, and frustrations. I learned to see what I could do and believe that I could do them.
Yet I realized the computers and the internet and all of the peripheral matters dealing with them toyed with me daily, wadding me up like a piece of aluminum foil, throwing me toward the garbage can. The programs, the modem, the router -- arrrgh! I was so frustrated.
Totally unlike me. I worked tech support and had a patient rapport with people. I'm accustomed to sitting down, studying a system and figuring out, with a little coaxing and talking to the machines and software, what to do to fix it. But I had abandoned my well understood philosophy.
How did I let those computers take control?
I spent time pondering the situation and realized my frustrations were expectations and control. The expectations: I bought software, systems based on good reviews and my own experiences. I invested in time and energy, expecting to improve my computing experiences and minimize issues. Yet, here I was having issues. The issues violated my sense of control. Worse, I no longer considered them a partner. I had somehow reduced their stature to that of servant machine.
Those of you who may consider me crazy can stop reading.
My self-analysis is likely flawed but I don't think understanding the root cause was needed in this case. What was needed was an attitude shift accompanied by a change in my approach.
I shut the systems down and walked away for a while. When I returned, I powered everything up and watched them, listening to them, remaining patient as things went amiss. Then I approached each component, tracking and identifying issues, working through trouble shooting, dismissing impatience and remaining calm and relaxed. I worked through the evening and through the situations until everything now hums along. I could go into long details of different fixes but what is the point? Did I create them by my negative thoughts...or did they emerge because I ignored the problems because I was arrogant?
Don't know. The computers and I are getting along once again. I feel balanced, and I think I learned a lesson.
On to other matters.
Causes Michael Seidel Supports
Kiva, Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, Propublica.org, Doctors Without Borders, GreaterGood.com