I was contemplating mantras today as I struggled with my work system and raced to get online so I can attend meetings. The mantra that echoed from last night was comfort. In reflection, it didn't work for me as a mantra.
Why was I thinking comfort? That question propelled me down another path of self-examination. I think of myself as too comfortable -- physically, mentally and emotionally -- with my routines and trappings of middle income cosiness and safety, but worse, comfort undermines much of my drive and ambition. I don't think I focus and work as hard as I can or show to achieve what I desire. I'm too comfortable.
Sometimes I think of this as a deficit of will or focus. Othertimes I consider it a byproduct of aging. Only more recently have I thought about it more in terms of comfort driven laziness. I know that's not fully true; some is weariness and some is cynicism.
That's what the mantra is about sometimes. That's what drove my pledge break yesterday.
But then I came into work. It's dark and cold, storming outside. My computer is throwing a tantrum. As soon as I'm online, I'm racing into a meeting and getting contacted by people via Sametime and phone about emails - "Did you see so and so's response? He still doesn't get it!" "Can you join us on a call about 123? We have questions and thought maybe you can help understand it." "What are we doing about XYZ? They were worried about it in today's XYZ meeting and I said I'd contact you about it."
Of course, I hadn't read any emails. There was a hundred of them for my attention and I'd just gotten to work.
Bit demoralizing, bit stressful. I felt back on the treadmill. Run, little hamster, run.
Eh, took a deep breath. Drank some hot water. Called into the first meeting. Checked to make sure the wind wasn't blowing my garbage cans away. Began telling the other teams and people, relax, stay calm.
It's all under control.
And then I laughed.
I'm still searching for today's mantra.
Causes Michael Seidel Supports
Kiva, Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, Propublica.org, Doctors Without Borders, GreaterGood.com