This moment in time has been brought to you by Kellogg's. Kellogg's, the best to you each morning.
The typing is sponsored by IBM Smarter Planet, but this is a Stroh's Beer Moments In Thinking. Stroh's Beer sponsors an hour of my personal thinking every day. Maxwell House sponsors my first fifteen minutes of work. Taco Bell sponsors a lunch period, Subway Sandwiches has picked up another fifteen minute slice of time twice a week, and Pizza Hut sponsors another thirty minutes every Wednesday, but they're weekly deals, and they hold all the renewal options. Sears has sponsored my dinner hour on Sunday and Chili's sponsors it on Saturday but the weekdays have gaps. I think I'm close to deals with KFC and Barilla Pasta. I've picked up other deals with Smirnoff Vodka and Johnny Walker to remember more and function during the day, along with Southwest Airlines, Toyota Motors, the Ford Motor Company, DSW, Zappos, Facebook, Google and Netflix. Between these sponsors and a few grants from some memory foundations and state and Federal assistance, I can remember most of the day, until I go to sleep.
Sleepeze, Tempurpedic, JC Penney's and Sleeptrain sponsor six hours of sleep a night. I'd like to sleep eight hours a night but nobody will sponsor it.
Paramount Pictures, ESPN, ABC, NBC, TBS, HBO, Showtime, NASCAR, the NFL, Major League Baseball, and Disney Entertainment sponsor me a few hours of entertainment each week, but I'm required to watch them, and all they show are commercials. I had a long term memory deal with Allstate Insurance, the Disk Network and a few others whose names slip my mind, but they scaled back when I turned fifty, so now I don't have anyone sponsoring any part of my long term memory although Hallmark sponsors a few minutes of childhood memories every day, along with Nick at Night and Adult Swim. Trojan Condoms used to sponsor my sex life but they let me go a long time ago, so I've been going without. Good news on that front, though: Viagra and the AARP are both offering me pretty good sponsorship deals. The Viagra deal is strictly about sex, while the AARP arrangement will only allow me to remember my name, address, telephone and social security numbers, along with my wife's name and my pets' name. Symantec sponsors the memory needed to store my password, and Nissan, Shell, and State Farm, Bridgestone sponsors fourteen hours of driving a week, a bundled package I found on the Internet last year, but it's only for the motor skills. Progressive Insurance does daily deals that sponsors my memory for driving, but my car must have their name on both sides and the trunk. I do have pets, cats whose existences are sponsored by Purina Kitten Chow and Tidy Cat Kitty Litter.
McDonald's has picked up sponsorship of my Sunday mornings, Fed Ex gives me a Fed Ex Moment every afternoon at one PM, Nescafe sponsors a morning coffee break when I'm working, and UPS helps me with my bowel movements (yes -- shudder -- "brown delivers"). My daily hygiene is brought to me by Charmin, Dove Soap, Edge Shave Gel, Gillette razors, Colgate Toothpaste, Reach, and Aveda. Energizer sponsors one hour of yard work once every two weeks, while Swifter and Mister Clean Magic Erasers sponsors a hour of house cleaning every week. My Christmas was sponsored by Target the last three years but that expired last year. I don't know if they're renew or not.
The National Association of Realtors, General Electric, Maytag, Wells Fargo Bank, and Bank of America sponsor my house, and Vonage sponsors my voice, but I'm only allowed to talk six hundred minutes a month and I can't roll them over, so I need to watch what I say.
I still have some sponsorship deals available for planning my future, and socializing, so let me know if you're interested. I'm also really interested find some sponsors for my short term memory. Those deals don't last long, especially for people in my age group, and sometimes they run out without
Causes Michael Seidel Supports
Kiva, Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, Propublica.org, Doctors Without Borders, GreaterGood.com