The United States has a growing problem. The problem, though, can be easily solved if the country just faces the truth and stops fighting with its innate nature, even, you might say, its manifest destiny.
The problem is that military spending is sacred in America. We must not cut the defense budgets. Doing so would be unpatriotic.
None want to be accused of being unpatriotic. Why, just the threat of being accused of being unpatriotic causes grown men to weep in pubic.
But the problem is that more and more of our other Federal entitlements and needs must be cut to support the growing our military spending addictions. I mean, there's only one pie. The government just can't create more money out of nothing.
And they can't spend money that they don't have. And they won't! Our nation and our government has faced that dilemma repeatedly since its inception. And each time, our wise leaders have said, "No! We shall not spend money we do not have!"
Yes, they were tempted a few times. Bank of America Visa/Mastercard, American Express, the Discover Card and a few other companies send Congress credit card applications in the mail. "You have been pre-approved for a $1,000,000,000,000,000,000 spending limit," the cards said. "Just sign the application and mail it back within ten days."
Yes, Congress was tempted but its leaders are the salt of the Earth. They come from our nature's poorest executive ranks. Why, many barely had a home and a vacation home, and often had no idea what a good steak tasted like, for they were so poor, before coming to Congress.
(The salt of the Earth is a great expression. I don't know what it means but I often hear and read it in statements such as these, so it must have a great deal of meaning to people, so I'll use it here.)
Not that they're wealthy in Congress. Like other elected and appointed branches of Federal government, most members of Congress barely make enough money to stay financially solvent. People don't realize that it costs a great deal to hold Federal office. There is clothing to buy and trips back and forth to their home states and overseas to meet with other governments. They have to hold parties and run political campaigns to get elected and re-elected. These things all cost money, and the poor politicians often struggle to make ends meet. I mean, they need to pay for these expenses themselves. No one else is gonna just give them cash.
Could you imagine what it would be like if people just gave people in office money? What a funny thought! Why, then they'd become independently wealthy and would probably no longer represent their constituents' interests.
Thank God our elected officials are above all of that!
Being above all of that, they didn't use the pre-approved credit cards they received in the mail, but cut them up, so no one else could accidently use them in their name, either. That is why, after three hundred years as a government (rounding up), we still have no Federal deficit.
Of course, it puts our legislators and the President in an awkward position. We must keep a strong military presence in the world, and have enough weapons and military reserves so that, if, God Forbid, every other country in the world simultaneously attacks us, we'll be able to fight them off everywhere in the world.
I mean, we all know that you can't trust other countries. You never know what other countries are thinking, or what they're going to do.
Other countries are just the worst, because clearly, they're not America. Only America is steadfastly predictable. No matter who gets elected to Congress or as President in America, or who is appointed to the Supreme Court or Federal Courts, we know that we'll stay true to the values that made our country great. These are the principles espoused by our Founding Fathers and held dear by every American since.
1. We, the people, shall not levy any taxes on anyone because taxes are bad.
2. All people are created equal, and shall be afforded the protection of the biggest standing military that the world will ever see.
3. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that wealth is good, that all people should strive to be wealthy, and if they're not wealthy, then it's their own fault because they're just not as good as wealthy people.
That takes us to the crux of our problems. I'll number them because I like numbered lists.
1. How can we protect the wealthy and cut taxes while maintaining the military and expanding it until it equals all the rest of the world's combined military, as envisioned by our founding fathers?
As Benjamin Franklin, writing as Poor Richard, wrote, "A nuke in the silo is worth two in the plans."
He also wrote, "A million spent is a million earned," and my favorite, "Don't count your budget before it's approved and published."
Given these problems, it's clear that the solution to our problems is to put all the budget into the defense budget, and make everyone in America join the military.
That way, everyone gets military benefits!
All spending would be military spending!
Well, we wouldn't need to make everyone in American join the military. We don't want the wealthy to be forced into military service. What kind of stupid idea is that? The wealthy are sacred.
So we would need to exempt them. We could decree that anyone with an income of some pre-determined level would be exempt. We'd have to decide what that level would be because they would need to be rich enough that they wouldn't need military benefits.
Some think that $250,000 a year is enough to qualify you as rich but others point out that it's barely enough to cover basic living expenses, such as evenings out, private schools, and a new car every year. So maybe it should be $1,000,000 per household, filing joint returns.
If everyone who isn't wealthy joins the military, we can then abolish that so called 'social safety net' and instead create 'the defense safety net'.
Everyone would not need to be on active duty simultaneously, just a weekend a month or so.
If everyone is in the military, we wouldn't have to worry about gun laws. Imagine a society with a gun in every hand!
We could reduce our prison population by sending everyone into the military instead. Especially murderers, who have already shown an ability to kill other people. Why, they'd be perfect for the military.
Of course, we would need to continue imprisoning drug users and dealers in prison. We don't want anyone using drugs in our military.
We could do away with our so called 'free' public education, which we all know is actually paid for by John Q. Taxpayer. All schools would be chartered for profit. If you're wealthy enough, you can send your children to one of these.
If not, no problem!
We'll build a military base in every town and city of America. And on those bases, we'll build military schools where we teach our future military members the rudimentaries of education, such as how to operate a computer, play computer games, and surf the Internet.
We'll build hospitals on our military bases where everyone can go for their military health benefits. See, we don't need no ObamaCare or other forms of socialized medicine! Then, since private corporations are so much more efficient at running things, we can turn the operating of our military schools and hospitals over to private corporations!
It's a win, win, win solution!
I know that some would object to everyone except the wealthy being put into the military. Yes, there would need to be exemptions for our athletic classes. Now some may think, but how can we have colleges and universities if we don't have free education? Where will we find our future Olympic and pro athletes?
I'm surprised that you're so short sighted.
We're still going to have sports! If anything, we'd be able to eliminate many college education programs and concentrate on producing athletes. I mean, it's only the wealthy that need to be educated because they're the only ones that create jobs! So we can still have colleges and universities but they wouldn't need to educate their athletes; they would only need to ensure their athletes know how to play sports. That way, we can keep our college sports programs intact, with student athletes playing the games as they do now, minus the student part of the equation. That'll keep our pro draft systems intact as well. If athletes aren't drafted into a pro sports organization, they'll just go on with their military careers, unless of course, they're Olympic athletes.
I'm telling you, going full military and creating the defense safety net is America's future. It's as clear as a, b...and whatever comes after that. Let's call it 'z'. I know z is the English alphabet's last letter.
So there you have it. It's as clear as a, b, z.
Causes Michael Seidel Supports
Kiva, Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, Propublica.org, Doctors Without Borders, GreaterGood.com