You know what phrase is losing its meaning, thanks to the current fashion for shaving the nether regions?
I mean, what a tragedy. Such an evocative term. When I was a young man, coming into full flower for the first time, said flower was always accompanied by a muff. You young whippersnappers, when you aren't dashing about snapping your whips at things, call it "70s bush". I find this rather odd, since most of you were born in the 80s. Still, thanks to the power of the internet, we can now see naked people from all time periods. Did you ever think that the person in the picture you are currently masturbating to is now a leathery harridan in her 70s that survives on a diet of cat food and unfiltered Camels, and can now touch her nipples to the floor by just leaning forward slightly? I imagine you haven't, but I have. On your behalf, that is. I never touch the stuff, myself.
So, "muff diving". Yes. Sorry, I digress easily. As I was saying, in my misspent youth, a shaved cooter was a peculiarity, and usually a sign of the aftermath of some manner of parasite attack. Crabs, or some other horrifying crustaceans. Frequently a merkin was employed to hide such an infestation, but they were easily detected by an observant fellow or lady, as back then merkins were either wigs woven from yak's hair or tranquilized hamsters.
And, as previously mentioned, such an evocative phrase! Who among us has not at some point wished for a scuba tank or even suffered the bends while performing a "muff dive"? It's a perfect phrase, words for the ages. I pray that it does not die, but without muffs to dive into...well, it's going to be a long hard swim.
Ladies, you can do your part by bringing the muff back. Underwear-eschewing celebritarts like Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan could be photographed by the paparazzi sporting oven-mitt sized muffs. And growing the muff isn't even necessary. With advances in merkin technology, you can be totally cooter bald and still have a festive bush that looks totally natural. Also, don't forget that even the semi-hairless fem can indulge in hair transplant surgery. It's quick, convenient, completely natural since we take the hair right off the back of your head, and relatively painless if compared to being stabbed repeatedly in the eye with a pickle fork.
Viva la MUFF!