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Chomping bubblegum to defend oneself

Lately, I have taken to chomping double bubble gum. No, I am not trying to quit smoking. I am trying to stop from acting inappropirately in public, at this rate I am to well known in my small town to act like I have a case of Tourettes. Although, if asked my husband would surely add that I am well known in my small town for speaking my mind sometimes with salt and other times with a gentle sunny disposition.

Why chomping gum is my solution? Well, for one thing some people cannot stand to hear it and that means they will leave me alone. The second benefit is that it will stop me from developing a case of lockjaw. Anyway, I am using this as a mechanism that god willing will stop me from blurting out the following:

1)When the lady in the bookstore reaches say in front of me whilst grabbing a magazine, maybe several times. Although I admit I did say this aloud. "Mame, I believe the word your looking for excuse me:

2)When perhaps  two young men walking down the street drop their cans on the ground and continue walking. Although I admit I did say aloud, "hey you get back here and pick that up, what the hell is wrong with you..raised in a barn huh?"

3)When and if a  young woman should plunge (lets say  literally as if to dive off a board but rather in a projectiling mode), towards myself or perhaps another headed out the door insted of waiting, than may not bother to hold the door open. Althought I admit I made a loud comment about the generational deficiency in manners.

4)When say a woman at the farmer's market might say they had different rules because the owners want them at the market cause their pasta is special. Although, come to think of it I did say aloud "your not special to the health department sugar!"

5)When lets say a brash woman  might suggest you give her free product cause she is popular and knows so many people who will order my fish.  Although, I think acutally I might have already started chomping gum and the big bubble sufficed.

To Sum up I am flumoxed at the rudeness, the hurried unconciousness of my fellow human being towards one another. Sometimes I want to say "wake the f...up folks" turn off the genius entertainer who has you lemmings fooled, turn off the reality tv that convinces you at 24 years that fake breasts, and glitter are the way to garner monies. Turn off the loud noises and blow the bubbles, maybe even skip down the street. Have sex as much as possible, and enjoy it becuase its a need and a want. Read all those books that people have spoken of... Stare outside the window and ponder (first learn to spell it..) I take a leaf out of many others books when I suggest this revolution. My parents did get it right, the hounding for us to mind holding doors open, the elbows off the table thing. Just plain common kindness and manners.

So now as number six please:

6)To the bubble chomping middle aged cranky menopausal lady who is glaring and laughing at the sametime. Although, I admit I took the gum out promised my husband no more and promptly went to yoga.

 Live and learn, I say live and learn...if we all ran the world..