where the writers are
The Reviewers are Running the Asylum
Hooked thumb.jpg

Amazon Reader Review Page for "Hooked: A Thriller about Love and Other Addictions"

Review #1

By Brit (click here to read all my reviews)
On the first page of Hooked, there is an explosion at an Internet café. The main character (Nat Idle) survives only because he gets a handed a note warning him to leave the café just before it explodes. Here's the big twist: the note appears to be crafted in the handwriting of Nat's dead ex-girlfriend. Great start. Too bad Richtel can't keep up the pace. With this writer, I ultimately felt like I was watching a sprinter run a marathon.

The characters tended to be mostly formed but lumpy—veritable Play-Doh shaped by a junior college art student whose knack was music, but who wound up in a Play-Doh sculpting class because it fit better into her schedule. I did find the voices original, and the dialogue often witty though reedy thin, like an egg-white omelette, shy on filling, but slightly wittier and eggier.

I don't want to give too much away, but there is a mega twist at the book's end that makes you think twice about everything you've read. Think Fight Club but take out the fighting and put in a conspiracy to get us all addicted to technology.

This writer has promise, and I'd read the next thing he writes. But I wouldn't give this book an unequivocal BMFTNC (Brit's-Must-Buy-First-Time-Novelist Collection).

Comment on review:

#1. by: Trevor123
“Watching a sprinter run a marathon.” LOL.

#2 by: Sandrayee
Brit, nice review. Your writing is getting very crisp, and evocative, great rhythm. Four stars. I haven't seen a review with this panache since Ptompkin4U's searing but sassy take on The Kite Runner. You've hit your stride.

#3 by: BigJaneNoName
What a joke. Are you on crystal meth that passed its expiration date? This is infuriating. Brit cannot touch Ptompkin4U. When it comes to reviews, that guy is a mix of John Grisham and Gwen Stefani. His 4/25/07 review of the GE Spacemaker microwave was a masterpiece.

#4 by: Trevor123
“Meth that passed its expiration date.” LOL

#5 by: Sandrayee
To #4: You're a hack. Ptompkin4U is easy to like because he dumbs down reviews for the proles. Every time I see one of his reviews, I think: Well, here comes a tortured metaphor about a writer and/or kitchen appliance getting all dressed up to go out but ultimately forgetting to bring a plot, or an easy to program clock.

#6 by: Matt
Hey, does anyone have anything to say about my book? Just kidding. Not really. (From the author of Hooked. THAT Matt)

#7 by: BigJaneNoName
Hey, sandrayee, check this out: “the dough tended to be mostly formed and lumpy, like Play-Doh.” You know what that's from? It's from Ptompkin4U's 10/02 sizzling examination of the new Cuisanart two-in-one Cookie Press. Looks like your gal Brit did a little…what's the word I'm looking for… plagiarizing! Hey, Brit, Ptompkin4U called; he wants his syntax back!

#8 by: Sandrayee
Congratulations, you've identified a total coincidence. Maybe for an encore you can walk outside and claim to have identified sunshine. Give Brit the credit she deserves. She doesn't need to copy anyone's tired lumpy-dough metaphor. Her skills have just been exploding ever since she wowed everyone with her review of the Compukidz Bilingual Toy Laptop, and then, a day later, The Brothers Karamazov.

#9 by: Trevor123
“Total Coincidence.” LOL. Wait, that's not actually funny. NLOL.

#10 by: Matt
Hi; my name is Matt Richtel. I wrote a book called Hooked that was the original topic of Brit's review. Is that topic (Hooked, the novel that I wrote) of any interest to anyone?

#11 by: Brit
To whom it may concern,
After a great deal of thought, I've decided I need to be honest. I realize now that before I wrote the review of Hooked, I had read Ptomkin4U's review of the Cuisanart Two-In-One Cookie Press. Who hasn't? It was an instant classic (“The chocolate chips, as promised, melted.” I mean, c'mon! Genius!)
But I can assure you that the lumpy dough metaphor was not in my head when I wrote about Hooked. Maybe it was back there in the recesses, like a tiny ping-pong ball bouncing around the cavern with tens of thousands of other tiny ping-pong balls.
By the way, when Ptompkin4U was writing about “lumpy dough,” he was actually referring to dough. I was just trying to create imagery to describe characters in that thriller someone referred to here earlier written by what's-his-name.

#12 by: Matt
The book is called Hooked. I, Matt Richtel, wrote it. I loved it, by the way. I felt the characters were fully formed, witty, not at all egg-white-like. For me, the book was a hyperspeed journey into the underworld of the digital era. It was more nuanced and colorful than a box of Crayolas partially melted by the sun, and more intense than seeing the results the first time you use the phenomenal Remco nose clipper.

#13 by: BigJaneNoName
Brit, thank you for your frankness. We live in a world where people will do anything to get attention or promote themselves. I appreciate that you are honest enough to admit that you had read Ptompkin4U's review of the Cuisinart before you wrote your review of whatever the heck that book was you referred to. Takes courage to admit a mistake, not saying that you made one, but you get my meaning. I have really enjoyed your reviews lately, especially that backhanded compliment you gave the Lawn Genie at Consumer Reports.

#14 by: Brit
Matt, I really liked your review of your book, Hooked. It showed a great deal more promise than your actual book. I think you've got a future. Stick with it!

#15 by Trevor123
LOL.

 

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Comments
8 Comment count
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Alas, such is the organic

Alas, such is the organic nature of the internet. (I don't actually think it's a bad thing, the alas was really for show.) It's democracy raised to the Nth power, because it's democracy cloaked in anonymity. DarkMachine66 can have a huge amount of perceived authority within the confines of this single medium, slamming politicians and writers and reviewers without ever having to reveal his real name or his qualifications.

Count yourself lucky, in the scheme of things--at least they were slamming each other and not your book! Usually when an author shows up, an internet forum turns into open season. They'll nit-pick you to death to seem edgy and in-your-face.

But I'd be lying if I said I didn't love the internet, flame-wars and all.

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Say it isn't so!

This is both hysterical and tragic at the very same time. Please tell me this is a satire. Please?

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yes, satire

but based on an actual book, Hooked, written by me, Matt, its author. Hey, does anyone want to talk about me?

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LOL

LOL

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This is extremely funny...

...yet extremely frightening.  And the fact that it could even temporarily be mistaken for a real reviewer thread is even more horrifying.  PGSTI*, perhaps, but definitely not LOL. 

 

 

*Please God stop the insanity

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Shame on us!

Shame on us.  We should not be laughing at this.  But I just could not help it.  What's-His-Name is really funny.

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Sad but hilarious social comment

This piece is brilliant and actually had me laughing out loud at work. It says so much about what is really important to us and what is not, how much literature is lost to thoughts about Mixers and reviewers.

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