Still I persisted. I had to have some answers, and so before Chrome went to take his nap, I asked him, “Chrome, why is it so hard for me to learn these things?”

He said, “I think it’s because you didn’t have other horses around you or a mom to teach you these things when you were young, Dinky. If you had the proper weaning it wouldn’t be so hard. When I grew up, my mother began my weaning by pushing me away.”

“What’s weaning, Chrome?”

“It’s when the time comes for you to eat adult food and not drink your mother’s milk anymore.”

“I stopped drinking my mother’s milk months ago, Chrome. Was that weaning?” I asked.

“Not really, Dinky. It was much too early for you to leave your mom. You should have spent about six months with her, and then you would have been moved in with the other foals but kept close enough to your mother. Your mother and other adult horses should still have been near enough to protect and teach you. It’s a long process—one you didn’t learn, my friend. It’s what teaches you about space.”

“Chrome, if I never had those things you’re describing, how will I learn it all now? I don’t like being confused half the time. And I don’t like being scolded, though sometimes it’s fun to get Connella riled up,” I replied.

“I’m not quite sure, Dinky. I know you don’t like to think about the past, but I think you might have to. Even when you first came here, you didn’t talk about it, not even when Connella and I asked you questions. I honestly believe you’ll have to think about those times if you’re going to move forward. And you should talk about them too.”

“You don’t understand, Chrome. It’s so scary to remember, and I feel so terrified—almost as if the darkness will kill me.”

“Still, I think you must face your fears, Dinky. Then you’ll be able to understand things easier.”

I didn’t like the tone the conversation was taking, so I walked off thinking. Maybe space meant I could only get close to someone when I was invited. I didn’t like that either. Why should I have to be the one to lose out on what I needed? Chrome told me that it was only a matter of time, and then I’d feel happy about my place. I would have to earn it. Lessons were hard work, and I wasn’t quite sure I liked them.

I was still unsure what the difference was between a lesson and play. But I did know that the lessons about space weren’t my favorite. In fact, I was sure I didn’t like them at all. They reminded me of some of the bad times. Oh, I didn’t want to think about the bad times. I hated to ruminate on those dark, scary, lonely times. I was afraid. I knew today the memories would come, what with Chrome and Connella napping and me standing here thinking about today’s lesson and what it all meant.

Don’t get me wrong, most days here were terrific. I felt loved and wanted. Sometimes the memories were wonderful ones, and I laughed and felt happy. Then there were days like today when I got reprimanded. It was then that I started recalling things and the darkness came alive. Usually I could find something to distract me or a game to play. I was afraid today I might not be as successful. The lesson on space made me feel alone, small, and helpless again. As the memories washed over me, I felt myself going down a long black tunnel. The sunlight had vanished. The familiar forest behind our field was gone. I was alone in my mind in the dark again.