where the writers are
I really try SO hard...

...to like the Oscars, but the show just makes me cringe. It isn't that I think awards are stupid -- I, personally, love getting awards so I can understand why the chance to win an Oscar is a big deal for people, but it's that darn show that I can't stand. Last night, I lasted 45 minutes before giving up on it. I kept asking myself, "Is this really as bad as it seems, or am I just being critical?" And I finally decided that it didn't matter which answer was right, I simply wasn't enjoying it and we only have so much time allotted to us in a lifetime, so...

I did sort of watch the Red Carpet show that came on before the Oscars. I was in and out of the living room while it was on. But I saw enough of it to notice that both of the main people ABC had greeting the stars on the red carpet were two of the tiniest people known to man, and because of that, everyone arriving on the red carpet looked ENORMOUS!! Not exactly the look anyone is going for on their big night, is it? Charlize Theron -- a woman that I think is really pretty-- looked like a gargantuan Amazonian next to that guy who greeted her. I didn't hear a thing she said because I was too busy marveling at how enormous she looked. I had to ask myself, "Is she really this huge? I mean, she never looks this huge in the movies. Do they do some sort of trick photography to make her seem normal-sized on film?" Until I finally realized, "OMG!! It's the man standing next to her! That's what the problem is! Get him out of there!"

And the woman who was greeting on some other area of the carpet was even tinier. She made everyone look ungainly. That is such an unfair thing to do to a woman, especially. She even made Reese Witherspoon look sort of hulking, which is not a word I would have ever guessed I would use in a sentence that had Reese Witherspoon in it.

The whole night just seemed so awkward. And so many of the women seemed totally stressed out on the red carpet. Which, in turn, stressed me out because I felt sorry for them. And a number of the women had these upswept hairdos that looked sort of messy, like they'd been in some sort of wind tunnel directly prior to stepping onto the red carpet. It was weird. I couldn't figure out if their hair was supposed to look like that or not. I am becoming a bit of an old fogy, so I don't always know what the latest fashion trends are. It takes me a while to figure out that a lot of women (famous or not) are walking around looking a certain way on purpose.

Speaking of being an old fogy...another reason why I don't care for the Oscars is that more and more and more people are getting younger and younger and younger. I have no idea who half these actors are anymore. I really don't. Their names and faces mean nothing to me. They don't register at all, for some reason -- even if I've seen their movies. Plus, I'm old enough to know two very sobering things: 1.) Even if you win an Oscar, it doesn't mean anyone will remember you a year from now; and, 2.) Johnny Depp has never won an Oscar. And as long as that remains the case, the Oscars will mean absolutely nothing to me.

And speaking of getting younger and younger and younger... Anyone who knows me personally, knows that I am a bit on the vain side when it comes to my skin. I don't suffer from pathological vanity, or anything like that, but I am definitely vain. And I will cut back in all other areas of my budget in order to afford a certain kind of skin care product that comes from France.

I have been using their products since I was 39 years old and positively swear by them. They make me look a lot younger than whatever age I happen to be in any given year. I don't like to be selfish or greedy or anything when it comes to age-defying miracles, but when people ask me how I keep my skin looking so young, I always say, "Oh, it's this product I get from France." If you keep it vague like that, it sounds like it's complicated to get the product and is probably really expensive and so they don't pursue the topic and I get to revel in my age-defying miracle all by myself.

But I am going to break one of my rules today and actually tell you what I use [We won't actually link to it, though; you've got to do some of the work! -- Ed.] BECAUSE this same company has just brought out a new anti-aging line that is stupidly effective. They sent it to me as a free sample when they shipped me my most recent order of the miracle cure I usually use. They sent me a tube of eye cream and the day cream. I love all their products. So I thought, okay, I'll try it. It says you will notice results in 6 days, but I kid you not, I noticed the difference immediately. I'm not kidding. It was instantaneous. The eye cream, especially. It got rid of the dark circles, the puffiness, and most of the lines. I literally could not believe it, so I simply had to share.

Unfortunately, it has a really industrial-New Age type of no-frills name: Anti-Age Global. But do not let the ugly name fool you. If you are as vain as (or even more vain than) I am about not letting your skin get old, you gotta try this stuff. (And when you buy it directly online from the company, you almost always get everything on sale.)

Now, if you speak German and French, everything you need to know about Anti-Age Global is right here!! Have fun, gang! Happy Monday!! And thanks for visiting!!