I started a new project, finally, months ago while in Austin, Texas. The idea had been rattling next to me asking for my attention for quite some time but synthesis can be hard for me. I was at a loss for two years as to what was next. Where would I focus my attention? When I feel that way every good idea has been taken, every new technology has been employed. I am unfocused, insecure and slow. I feel like I have hooves for fingers and am at a loss without thumbs, I will never get another new and compelling task done. After all, even the most inspired projects take hours of work and fingers are useful. So, that's how I often felt, for two years.
In order to move on I scrapped plans to write a short story collection or even to write my first novel. I know, I know, it's supposed to be an age of doing everything under the sun before 40 or 30 or even 22, but I just can't worry about moving at a pace that will propel me to some spotlight where all my aspirations and my pockets will be filled. I'm OK with never being asked to blog for Huff Post or to join a panel. I mean, these are very nice things but I can't find what I'm looking for in externals. Inspiration for me doesn't come that way.
So, now I have a new project based in photography and text with a nice little dose of video in it. I spend time with people and we speak about dreams. The project is mobile but can be done locally, so it fits my budget. It allows me to work in film for the photographs, and to work in digital with the video. It lets me work as editor, taking the words of others and splicing them in a variety of ways. In a way, despite all the thought behind it, allows me to be childlike and active.
The other project is just another poetry book. I don't know if my publisher wants it yet but the freedom to self-publish is always present and in that sense, I feel I should do this. My first chapbook was a foray into publishing poetry, a toe dipped in water. Good or bad was not really the issue. It was a distillation of years, of journey and of pain that never expected to live beyond my journals.
I have two projects, one about dreams and the other about flying. In one I get to wonder at the world and the voices and shapes that live right beside me, in passing and for long stretches. In the other I get to wonder at the world inside me and I get to go deeper. My next poetry book, will be "Letters for Flying" and my current media project is "Dreams and Conversations" and somehow, despite the titles and the topics, they make me feel extremely grounded. Walking in the fog is not easy, but walking back into the light is just plain heavenly. ;-)
Here is a link to a video clip from Dreams and Conversations. More soon. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PjsiqcfQVA