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The Spring of Rapture
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I remember the Spring of Rapture.

It was dry and sunny and the wild fires blazed on the mainland while small islands began disappearing from the maps. The prophets were pretty self satisfied, the cartographers were overworked and all in all the Earth turned like it always did.

Somewhere between cataonia and frenzy, the masses protested, then got tired and went home. Some areas saw traveling prayer groups manifest after a guru declared the whole planet to be sacred. Their sandaled tracks dotted the suburbs, pissing off middle aged men with once green lawns and putting fear in the hearts of reverends trying to pay the light bills on their once relevant churches.

Mostly, people clung to their mobile devices each morning, taking their aggressive fears out on facsimile birds while streaming the global sports news. Some uploaded their entire digestive and travel histories to the interwebs in hopes of communicating with the future people. Others decided to pursue lost dreams and a surge of enrollment was experienced at yoga studios, flight schools and surfing clinics. The number of circuses multiplied exponentially in just one month, especially after the Tuesday with the blood red sun (see scripture for details).

I remember the Spring of Rapture like it was yesterday. Everyone was nattily dressed, putting on their Sunday best all the time, just in case the Big One came down. Average women wore sequins to the coffee shop; the tail end expression of the Bling Culture. Some of the more expressive dressed like peacocks and sang songs to their Endangered Spirit Animal. Others eschewed fashion altogether and retreated to live naked in the woods. This in fact, caused mass hysteria regarding the state of obesity in the population and resulted in a slimming down of  many, in those last rapturous days between March and June.

There were definitely upsides to the catclysm, including very strong sales for candle and sacred rock retailers. Slumps were seen in the sale of religious books, however do it yourself "Survive the Rapture" manuals made two brothers from Guatamala very rich. It came in 13 languages and featured a cross referenced index of prayers in all major religions as well as a Farmer's Almanac.

The Spring of Rapture, it sure was grand.

PS-I'm reading tonight in Brooklyn, Benefit for Incarcerated Women