So, my book release is planned. The official hometown release party and reading is this Thursday and I'm pretty excited. To be sure, there will be no press, no fancy agents, no nothing to make the world stand on its head. Which is incredibly relieving, since I'm already nervous enough. I look through the things I write and re-write is the idea that comes to mind. What exactly does a party girl do when it's revealed that much of what is hidden in her daily subtext is not actually conducive to a party. Some people write really hopeful and empathetic pieces. I write down my eight armed demons.
In my world a lot of things are dead. In my world a lot of people are fleeing, themselves and then again, the place we share in the city we call home. In fact many of them go, driven mad by their beauty, their excess and their existence in this city's apoplectic flow.
Suddenly I stare at my ISBN and want to mark it over with a permanent pen. I look at the lines and think of ways to imbue a lament with something more sunny, perhaps a bit on that time I saw a rainbow over Brooklyn while riding the train. I gnash my teeth and promise myself and swear at myself. Pop singers don't go through this. They can say anything with the right melody behind them and it will still keep the party rolling. No one shifts in their seat when the Beatles sing about revolution or when Nas talks about the rotten smell of the system. I make a mental note, next life as an artist, BE a pop singer. It's so much more fun.
So the good thing is, my friends are just that and the random others are literary types who will satisfy themselves with the knowledge that if I can publish a book then they can, too. I'll stick to the program and read what I've written and if no one laughs too much at least the bar might sell a few extra drinks. And with that slowly, ever so slowly I put down the broad tipped pen and take out the pencil and another step towards self-acceptance slowly unfolds.
For anyone in NYC, I'll be reading from Electric Bathtub Psalms along with my editor Spencer Keralis who will be reading from his chapbook, Geography + Circumstance. 139 Chrystie Street, The Panda. May 6th 7-9.