There comes a time when something baffles you beyond comprehension that you can't help but shout, "WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?" This is one of those times. For a module in intercultural communications, my professor had us listen to a guest speaker on dating in English culture. This woman, we were informed, was a runner-up in the television show Britain's Next Top Model, and now works as a dating coach for both men and women. During this three-hour double-lecture, I was told quite plainly that, as a female-bodied person, that I ought to reclaim my femininity, using my womanly talents by returning to the kitchen in order to provide wifely services for my future husband, that I should be careful not to tred on my man's masculinity. And speaking of the man, that all men need to reclaim their alpha male status, to take back control of relationships by being the final say on anything that happens.
I have never been fed such utter bullocks by a lecturer before in my life.
I'm not even going to touch the fact that this is a completely heteronormative argument and move straight into the sexist nature of this woman's lecture. She gave the class tips on how to fit back into the mold of the traditional gender roles while still standing out just enough to be noticed by the right people. Essentially, that means you can only be different and liked if you're the same as everyone else.
Now, as an avid learner of gender theory, I am appalled that a young woman of the 21st century would suggest women return to the kitchen and let the men do all the real work. In case you haven't noticed, on the binary spectrum of gender, we're moving rapidly closer together as men and women, not apart. And even for those who do not identify within the binary concept of gender as solely male and female, I'm sure you can agree that this sort of argument is counterproductive for society. More and more every day, men and women are able to achieve the same goals and statuses, allowing for an increased equality beween the sexes, and an increased level of human achievement across the globe. But putting the feminist aspect aside, I'd like to focus most on the dating advice we were given by this 'dating coach.'
As a woman, she was inclined to give more advice for women than men, but she fully owned up to the fact that the advice she gives to men is essentially how to get into the chick's pants. Then, as a counter, she teaches the women how to see through these disguises and focuses on the person-to-person connection. Now, if that isn't hypocrisy at its finest, I don't know what is. She told us how to approach a person, emphasising all the while that it should be the man who approaches the woman, that the dude should not only pay for the first date every time, but should also be the one to choose where the first date takes place. She said that it should always be the guy asking for the chick's phone number, and that the chick shouldn't threaten the guy's alpha status in any way. But before any of that could happen, she told us how we're supposed to attract the other person to us, repeating constantly that clubs and bars are the primary hot spot for meeting new people this way. She told us that, depending on the time of day, you should approach people in different ways, that if you're out in a park or something, you should place yourself bodily in front of the other person so they can't get away. On and on she spouted out all this nonsense that only overtly feminine women will attract overtly masculine men. On this, I must say, we are agreed. The two extremes of masculinity and femininity may very well work together as alpha and beta. But, I'll let you in on something...very few people fit within those two categories!
If you want to seem attractive to someone, anyone, here the best piece of advice out there: don't be a dick! If a guy came up to me in some hypothetical park and blocked my path, I'd punch him in the throat before he could get two words out. Honestly, if that's how this woman thinks people hook up, then she needs to get out of her show-bizzy model life and see what it's like for the rest of the world out there, not to mention realise that it's the 21st century. Women have careers now, not just kids and kitchens. Not to mention the fundamental fact that not everyone's straight, so this heteronormative outlook is automatically outdated based on that one fact alone.
So ladies, be yourself. Don't feel pressured to hide your face with make-up or expose more skin with the latest fashion trends because you're already beautiful just the way you are. If someone tells you to get back in the kitchen, tell them to make their own GD sandwich. And guys, put your dicks back in your pants and act like a genuine human being. Don't feel pressured to control everything as an 'alpha'; that kind of 'power' just isn't attractive, or obtainable in today's society for that matter. Your personality, however, has that potential, so let it shine. Remember to be awesome, not annoying.
Causes Maria Badillo Supports
Foundation to Decrease WorldSuck