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Incest Sex

Every few days I check out the search topics on the Home page of my website, www.thelamplighters.org, as well as my Google Analytics Summary to find out what most of them are in reference to. The biggest percentage of the time it is “incest sex”. That saddens me, not just because that was my issue but because it indicates how prevalent it is. So for those of you who have that as a subject matter you most want to find out about, I’m going to make a few comments.

First is the definition of incest. I may have written this before in one of my blogs but it bears repeating. As per my book REPAIR Your Life: Webster defines incest as "sexual intercourse between persons too closely related to marry legally."  It is a simple, almost clinical description that does not in any way imply trauma or abuse.  The all-encompassing and often unspoken reality is much broader.  Anyone in a position of power, who coerces a person of lesser power into any sort of boundary violation dealing with their sexuality, either emotionally, mentally, or physically, is a sexual abuse perpetrator.  This includes a grandfather who pins his granddaughter down while he fondles her breasts; a father who insists on watching his daughter, against her wishes, while she bathes; an older brother who forces his sister to do oral sex; and any other such boundary violation from the most minor to actual forcible entry and rape.  It does not have to be a family member to have the same resultant despair. That despair, whether by a family member or an outsider, can be a life sentence of pain.”

People think if we tell our children not to talk to strangers that will take care of the problem. Not so. And as to the suggestion that what we need to do is have our parents talk to us when we are small children about sexual abuse I vehemently shake my head. Ninety percent of child sexual abuse victims know the perpetrator in some way; 68% are abused by family members. These same parents may be the perpetrator. The public needs to be made aware of these statistics.

While all child sexual abuse is “cruel and unusual punishment”, incest has a sometimes forgotten additional affliction. At birth we have an automatic trust in those who care for us. We don’t know any better. We love our parents, grandparents, siblings, uncles and aunts until they do something cruel to us and sometimes even after that. Sexual abuse by a stranger, while painful in the extreme, does not carry the same heavy load as incest does with its insidious mind games, its treachery. The unspoken question, who can we trust if we can’t trust our own family, buries itself in our soul. As an additional eye opener, we know we have to obey family members who are in charge of us. If that very family member coerces us into doing something both shameful and painful the confusion, especially in the mind of someone very young, is relentless, often lasting the remainder of our lives.

An incest victim needs to heal not only from sexual abuse; but from betrayal. This betrayal colors all of our choices in life, impoverishes us from that which is essential to our existence, leaving footprints that last a lifetime.  There is no place to hide from the pain. As we make our way through life we find our ability to trust is almost non- existent. Most of this is subliminal. If only it came out into the open we could fight it better. But like the lions and tigers and bears who hide under our bed we have no idea of the reality of what has happened and even less in how to repair the damage. Reporting abuse from a stranger, while difficult, sometimes impossible, is much easier than reporting abuse that a family member has done. This may not happen until we are far into our adulthood. During the ensuing years the shame of the incest incident multiplies, making it that much more difficult to heal from.

We MUST find a way to educate our children as early as possible in a public forum such as pre-school or kindergarten the rights that they have regarding their own body. A Child’s Bill of Rights is on the Home page of our website. All children must be made aware of them. He told me not to tell, a parents’ guide to talking to children about sexual assault is a booklet put out by King County Sexual Assault Resource Center in Renton, WA. If you call them at 425.226.5062 and request a copy they will mail you one free of charge.

Take care of our children!!

 

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Incest sex

In my thriller THE MOUNTING STORM the female protagonist, Kate Conway, and Winston Winship fall madly in love and have sex. Later they discover Winston's father was secretly married to Kate's grandmother. Both parties end the sex as soon as the relationship is realized. Does this constitute "incest sex?"

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Incest sex

Hi William,

My brain hurts trying to figure this out. For it to be incest there would have to be a blood line connecting Winston to Kate. If Winston is not the progeny of the secret marriage between his father and Kate's grandmother (he might be from another mother) then he is not related to Kate. Kate might have a grandmother who was married to Winston's father but that doesn' mean that she is related to Winston. The grandmother's child (mother or father of Kate) may not be the progency of Winston's father. She might also be from a different marriage, an earlier one perhaps. So to establish that the relationship between Winston and Kate is an incestious one Winston's mother would have had to have been Kate's grandmother and/or Kate's parent (who is the child of her grandmother) would have had to have Winston's father as her father. Keep in mind that the definition of incest is "sexual intercourse between persons so closely related that they are forbidden by law to marry". It looks to me like Winston could be Kate's uncle but only if his mother was Kate's grandma. I diagramed all this out so I hope I did it correctly. It was an interesting question. Margie

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More detail.

Thanks for your time and interest, Margie. And forgive me for not making it clearer and easier for you.  There's a lot at stake here so allow me to try again.

Winston Winship's father is Kate Conway's grandfather.  His name was Stirling Winship and he was in the Nazi high command.  The marriage took place in Germany before World War II.  The grandmother was horribly scarred returning by car after she and Stirling visitied with Adolf Hitler. She was sent to Dachau to be 'eliminated' but survived and remarried.

Believing her dead, Stirling married a British woman one year later. Their only child was Winston. 

Fifty years later Kate and Winston meet and fall madly in love. It's the early nineties, their sex is open and meaningful. They plan to marry and have children--until Kate discovers Sirling Winship was married to her grandmother and to Winston's mother.

It would seem the percentages of Stirling's blood in Winston would be 50% and in Kate it would be 25% although, as simple as it seems, you would be more of an authority than I. 

The novel, THE MOUNTING STORM, has many surprises along the way and the subject of incest is only one. But the affair between Winston and Kate comes to a screeching halt over the issue.  I have two more novels in what I call The Kate Conway Trilogy, and in each Winston remains a fixture as Kate's boss at the New York magazine where she is the fearless investigative reporter.  There is sexual interest between the two but neither one will cross the line they have firmly established.

I'm sure I'm not the first author to come to you, Margie, with the future of literary romance resting on your verdict. But I would love to find that their blood relationship was not too dangerous for them to get married and thus have the series at some point in the future witness their coming together in marriage that was not tainted by incest or a problem with blood lines. 

 

 

 

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Incest

William,

Winston is the son of Sterling, the man who is Kate's grandfather, albeit his mother is a different person than Kate's grandmother. That means that one of Sterling's children was Kate's parent. That makes Winston a first cousing to Kate's parent and a half uncle to Kate. Marriage between an uncle and his niece is illegal in all 50 states,  but as to a half uncle despite checking out several websites googling the question "is marriage between a niece and her half uncle illegal?" so far I haven't found anything that disagrees . You might check out Google and look up Avunculate marriage on Wikipedia. Have you already written this book? Or is it open to a different twist or solution for this couple? I don't think this is the answer you were seeking.

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Thanks

You've given me what I wanted--the truth based on the facts of the situation.

I have written three novels. THE MOUNTING STORM  has been published and I'm in the process of self-publishing the second, THE DEADLY BUDDHA.  I have a hard-core of women readers who seem to like Kate Conway the way she is, a tough business gal who is forging a career for herself without the need for a guy permanently in her life.  She can get along quite well without Winston Winship, but I can still keep him around for her to draw comparisons.

Thanks again and again, Margie. You've gone out of your way to fortify my life as a novelist.