Jean Rubin, a Women and Literature teacher at the community college, has three months to plan her twenty something daughter Lara's wedding to Gus, a young man from an extended Charleston family. Laurence Duvall, owner of Fashionista, the Scottsdale society paper that everyone reads, is harassing Jean. In his weekly column, "RUMORS and innuendoes", Laurence known as The Mouth, attacks anyone, including Jean, with sarcasm and venom. The wedding plans proceed through a series of funny, smart e-mails between Jean and her daughter. While the events unfold like a desert flower on steroids, Jean manages a prissy florist who absconds with her deposit, a bride who insists on wearing red shoes, the groom's father's designer obsessed, sassy third wife, a rabbi who leaves to start a casino, five Amazon blonde bridesmaids, her paranoid elderly parents, and Philomena, the neurotic wedding planner. Jean's husband, Maury, escapes the chaos by watching interminable hours of the golf channel.
As Laurence's vitriolic diatribes accelerate, Jean receives support from her two closest friends: April, a wealthy, gorgeous busybody, and Glee, a plastic surgery slave addicted to therapy. April, a neighbor of Laurence's, walks her Lhasa Apsos just to question Carmen, his housekeeper. Glee finds solace in The Rock, a cult-like group facilitated by a sex therapist who can't stay married.
Days before the wedding, with family members converging, Laurence is found dead. No one is upset and everyone is a suspect. The police question Jean and her friends. Is the killer Coleman, Laurence's love puppy, who stands to inherit a house full of antiques and millions of dollars? Or is it one of the nouveau riche types The Mouth slimed in his column?
It all comes to a rollicking conclusion amidst the elaborate rehearsal dinner, the even more posh wedding with the murderer's arrest.