“But Mom, how come we’re not religious? I’m missing out on an awful lot. Where are my little white gloves and my shiny patent-leather Mary Janes? How can the Easter Bunny find me if we’re not religious? If we were religious and prayed to God, maybe all this crap wouldn’t happen to us.” The puppy knows a decent holiday when she sees it. It’s up to me to remind her of how truly fortunate she is to have such a thrifty Mom.
“Remember the brisket? Remember how we got it on sale, leftover because the Jewish holidays were gone and no one needed it anymore? Well, Christian holidays are like that too. You’ll get things, but they’ll be cheaper when no one else needs them anymore. Actually, religion itself is a lot like that. People tend to make it into something it’s not, and then discard it when it doesn’t suit them at the moment. That’s called hypocrisy. It’s not nice.” (For more on the enticement of brisket, I refer the kind reader to an earlier puppy blog http://www.redroom.com/blog/marabuck/mazeltov-and-milkbones.)
The puppy wants her damned stuffed Easter bunny delivered on time. That’s now. Today. Forget this “on sale” bullshit. She decides a superior tone may work on me, whereas simple pleading has failed.
She crinkles her nose, raises her brows, and crosses her eyes to make her point. “Forget that hippo-crissie. Did you ever consider that if all this bad stuff didn’t happen to us, maybe it would happen to someone else? Maybe crap just lies in wait to happen, like quicksand, and if you’re selfish enough to pray to get out yourself, maybe someone else falls in instead. Maybe someone who can’t get out as easily. Did you ever think of that? So we’ve been helpful to let the crap happen to us. Now it’s someone else’s turn. I want my bunny, dammit. I’ve earned it.”
A philosophical quagmire, but those of us who insist on discussing the abstracts of the universe with a puppy, especially a fanatically selfish one, deserve what we get.
Actually, come to think of it, I have sought answers from more obtuse factions.
Causes Mara Buck Supports
Kennebec Valley Humane Society, Amnesty International