“Hey, Mom. How come you got veggies on your nose? Do I like it?” Her highness, the puppy, glimpses a potential snack hidden within the baggie of frozen peas that delicately hugs my nose. I stress delicately, for there is pain. Mucho pain.
“You head-butted me, you little pain-in-the-ass. I distinctly heard my nose crack. I really think you broke it.” Within a minute my nose has turned a dismal maroon and the bridge has adopted a distinctive Art Nouveau S-curve. I am not surprised to see that neither color nor contour add to my overall attractiveness.
“Are you sure it was me? I would have remembered that.” The puppy attempts to sniff the baggie, correctly interprets the glare in my soon-to-be-swollen eyes, and backs away tentatively. “Let’s just say that if I did do it, I’m sure I had a good reason.” The baggie proves to be defective of course, and a lone frozen pea escapes. She retrieves it with gusto, contemplates the situation, and spits the soggy pea out on my lap. “See. I’m helping. All better?”
I readjust the baggie, giving my darling a peek at the disgusting mess her upward bounce hath wrought. “Do I look all better?”
“Ick! That’s really gross. But let’s consider the positives here. That swelling smoothes out your wrinkles. And I like purple. It’s such a pretty color. And with the yellow it’s sorta like an Easter egg. Do we have any? I really like the marshmallow kind. If we don’t have any eggs, can I have some more of those peas? All for me?”
Causes Mara Buck Supports
Kennebec Valley Humane Society, Amnesty International