“I have a fan. I have a fan.” The puppy struts around proudly, nose haughtily in the air. “But fans make me sneeze. Blows up all that dust in this filthy, filthy house. You otta clean it, Mom. Filthy, filthy, eck!” The Princess has spoken to the Commoner. This commoner is more than accustomed to it. Perhaps it’s time for a peasant uprising. But not today. I sigh with what I hope passes for patience.
“Not that kind of fan. Josh is a little boy who really likes you. It’s charming.”
“Am I charming?”
“You have your moments.”
“Moments. I have moments.” The puppy is gleeful. She indeed has moments.
“What’s fans anyhow?”
“They’re people who really like you and are on your side.” Seems like a reasonable explanation to me. I haven’t been a fan of anyone since James Dean.
“Well, okay. That’s fine. And I just do nuffin? Lemme tell you somethin’ Mom. I have moments. I know stuff. Lotsa stuff. That’s why I have fans. They wanna know all about me. So you tell ‘em. You know, about my charmin’ moments.”
“That’s right. You have to be charming; fans like it when you’re charming.” I’m feeling a bit queasy. Somehow there’s a devious plan within the puppy brain. Then, once again, she gives me The Look.
“Huh! Is that why I got fans and you don’t? Take a lesson, Mom. Remember about the wed swooses.? You didn’t ever wear ‘em.” A while back, the puppy rescued a pair of red sandals from the back of my closet, and with her mouth full of shoe leather, failed miserably in pronunciation. She insisted that if I wore them, agents would appreciate my work since I would finally be attractively attired. However, my darling had her own selfish interests at heart. As always.
“Remember? You chewed the straps and now they’re ruined.” By this time, I would hope she might feel a little twinge of guilt. And yet, I should know better.
“Yeah. That wed stuff was tasty. I’d say it was charming. You otta buy more. Buy more wed swooses. Then you’d be charming, you’d have fans, and I’d get another snack. I betcha that Josh might have wed swooses. He’s real charming, ‘cause he’s my fan.”
Causes Mara Buck Supports
Kennebec Valley Humane Society, Amnesty International