Birmingham Giant, Gnome, and Maniac Admit “Duran Duran Were All Our Fault!” Judge remands them for psychological reports

 Nick Rhodes – “Fáshiön were an inspiration on the Birmingham scene. John (Taylor) and I used to go and see them at The Barrel Organ in Digbeth virtually every week over a six month period. They were a great inspiration. We played our last gig with Stephen Duffy as our vocalist at Barbarellas supporting Fáshiön.”

 John Taylor – “Fáshiön were definitely doing something new. You really had to be there with Fáshiön, but they were very important to Nick and me. It was like New Sounds New Styles, all about mixing things up. Fáshiön took a punk ethic, fused it with white reggae and there was a synth pop element. And clothes were important, posters were important, typeface was important. Birmingham had never really been known for style, we needed something. And Fáshiön did something different every week. They were pretty glamorous.”
(From Duran Duran Unseen … Paul Edmond –Photographs 1979-82)

In 1979 Fáshiön went off to conquer America and were promptly swallowed whole by the music biz without so much as a hiccup. Spat back four months later across the Atlantic they arrived to find Two Tone and the Coventry Sound had swept the land in their absence. They were suddenly no longer the hot ticket they always thought themselves to be. In those desperate last days of the band’s first line-up they rehearsed at The Rum Runner on Broad Street in Birmingham’s city center. The Rum Runner was easily the coolest club in town; it was where The English Beat shot their Mirror In The Bathroom video. As well as Fáshiön, UB40 rehearsed there, and a new band was giving birth to itself in one of the club’s back rooms – Duran Duran.

The following conversations and recollections might not have taken place. But something like them did.

The next day, I show up for rehearsal at The Rum Runner to find Dik and Mulligan already there. I come out of the murky afternoon Birmingham light into the murky light of one of the club’s mysterious back rooms. At least there’s no waiting for your eyes to adjust to the gloom. I’m not in the best of moods. The club-in-the-afternoon atmosphere of stale booze and cigarette smoke with just a whiff of toilet cake and disinfectant cheers me up a bit. Told you I wasn’t in the best of moods.

Mulligan and Dik are standing staring at a brand, spanking new back line – drums galore, stacks of amps, new basses, guitars, and keyboards all over the place. There’s even a sodding saxophone on a stand.

“What the …” I ask, “Don’t tell me Copeland finally came through with a sponsorship deal.”

 “You must be joking.” Mulligan says, “This all belongs to Duran Duran.”

 A gorilla in a suit two sizes too small for it steps out of the shadows.

 “That is all off limits.” He growls, “Boss’s orders. That belongs to Duran Duran, that does.”

 “How nice for it.” I say.

  “Or to a music shop with a hole in the back wall.” Dik says.

 Mulligan grins and shushes him.

 “Shall we?” I ask, pointing at our small clump of road-battered gear.

 We hack though Steady Eddie Steady, Citinite, The Innocent, and Silver Blades just to get warmed-up and get our singles out of the way. Then we try to bludgeon Emotional Blackmail, Artificial Eyes, and Do It In The Dark into some semblance of a hit record.

 No luck there then, so we decide to take a break. Mulligan is just starting a game of Space Invaders on the wardrobe-sized machine by the door when a silhouette carrying a guitar case appears in the doorway.

 “’Scuse us, like, you Duran Duran?” a Geordie wants to know.

 “Not exactly, no.” Dik says.

 “Not at all.” I agree.

 “I’m here for the audition. Just off the train.”

 “Oh. Right. Well, their gear is just through there.” I say. “I expect they’ll be here in a bit.”

 “Ta.”

 “You’re welcome mate, Dik says. “Just look for a pile of right tatty old gear. The good stuff opposite it is theirs.”

 Outside Dik and I hop around trying to keep warm, adding to Broad Street’s carbon monoxide.

 “Here, they’ve been on at me, y’know.” I say.

 “What? Who has?” Dik leers at a couple of passing office girls and they giggle.

 “The management brothers.”

 “What about?”

“Can that new bloke sing?”

 “What LeBonk.”

 “Yeah.”

 “What did you tell them.”

 “Well, not the truth.”

 “No. Why start now? Said he was alright did you?”

“Well, he’s not bad.”

 "His shirts look a bit grubby though.” Dik adds, “Someone should tell his Mom about new biological Persil.”

 Is he any good, they want to know. Does he have what it takes to be a star? Why would I even care, and how the fuck am I supposed to know? I’ve lost my way, I’m no longer convinced of the inevitability of my own stardom. I’m on a treadmill, going through the motions, it feels like I’m trapped on a stairway to nowhere.    

“Looks like they’re looking for a guitar player, then.”

 “Don’t get any ideas, lanky, you’ve got a job.”

 “You’re kidding,” I say, “that lot of Mulligan worshippers? They think I’m some kind of oik in eyeliner.”

 “Well, you are.”

 “I know. But I do have lovely eyes.”

 “Come on, let’s go and see if we can persuade the god Mulligan to skank up the bass line to Do It In The Dark.”

 A couple of weeks later, Annette tells us that the newly furnished Duran Duran have finalized their line-up and want us to play a showcase gig with them at The Rum Runner.

 “They’ll open up the show.” She says.

 “Yes, and I’m sure we’ll manage to finish it off.” I say.

On the night, Duran Duran bang through their set with lots of dash and fresh-faced enthusiasm. The new guitar player, Andy, turns out to have just the right touch of funk to his playing to spark their sound.

 I, on the other hand, play the whole set collapsing back against the mirrored wall, staring out at the crowd with a bored, fixed expression. Who knows how our show goes, most of the poseurs there probably weren’t even listening. I know I barely was.

 And suffering the swings and roundabouts of outrageous fortune, it’s just a couple of weeks later we are down in London opening two shows at The Rainbow Theater for The Stranglers and I'm having the time of my life!