Annette ducks into the cellar studio. If she has to duck as you might imagine I’m spending most of my time either sitting or doing bad Groucho Marx impersonations.
“I’ve got you a tour.” She says.
“Funny.” Mulligan says, “My hearing must be playing up. For a second I can have sworn she says she’d get us a tour.”
“What’s that then?” Dik asks, “Only I’ve forgotten.”
“You know. It’s where we slog all over the place working our taters off for little or no money and then everyone thinks we’ve split up.” I say.
“Very funny. Do you want to hear this or not?” she asks.
“Okay boss. Spill the Heinz then.” Dik says.
“It’s with U2!” She declares.
“What, just the two of us?” I ask, “Which two?”
“No, no. U2.” She says.
“Well I’m glad it’s with us as well. Otherwise it wouldn’t really be much of a tour without us. For us, I mean.” Dik says.
“The band.” She says. “From Ireland. Letter U, number 2.”
“I’m sure they can’t be as bad as that. No need to describe them as number twos.” Mulligan says.
“Wait a minute.” I say, “I’ve heard of them. They’re good! I suppose that means we’re going to opening again. What is it, 50 quid a night and a bag of chips?”
“No, it’s a split bill.” She says.
“Sounds painful.” Mulligan adds.
“Means one night you open for them, the next night they open for you. We split the door 50/50.”
“Might be alright.” I concede, “What sort of gigs.”
“Only clubs.” She says, “But they’re definitely a band on the way up. Can’t do any harm, being on tour with them. I hear Island Records are interested in them.”
“On their way up, are they? Better than where we seem to be headed.” Dik says.
“Island Records eh? I doubt we can get Desert Island Discs interested in us.” I say.
“That’s the gratitude I’ve come to expect from you lot.” She says, “I’ve been on the bloody phone for two weeks getting you this.”
“Oh, we’re ecstatic. Don’t let the lack of jumping up and down fool you.” I say morosely.
(coming soon ... on tour with U2, 1980)
Causes Luke James Supports
Doctors Without Borders