Award-winning journalist, Nick Shatt, has agreed to conduct an exclusive interview with legend in his own panties, Luke Skyscraper. Shatt, three time consecutive winner of a Golden Turd, awarded by the British Union of Music Writers And Nob Kissers wrote for many years for top music paper, No Musical Excuse. He claims to have invented puke rock, named his socks Sid and Vicious, and was once thrown off London Bridge by enraged manager and president of Floppy Records, Jack Costa Brava, following a particularly vicious review of Abbot Presley’s new album, Forced Arms.
SHATT: Before we get to you, can I just say mine’s a double?
SKYSCRAPER: Hello man – can I just say that I’ve always admired your vowel movements.
SHATT: “So do you have a new record?
SKYSCRAPER: They can’t prove nothing Them security cameras lie all the time Could have been anyone. ‘Sides I can prove I was at least three other places at the time.
SHATT: No, no man, a record, y’know a new album.
SKYSCRAPER: Oh. Right. That. Yeah – I recorded it in when I was in rehab.
SHATT: Got any blow man?
SKYSCRAPER: What? No. Look I just told you I been in bleedin’ rehab. Dead babies crawling across the ceiling and everything.
SHATT: I’ve got a new book out y’know. Bout how I wrote all of Marley’s songs.
SKYSCRAPER: What, like the ghost of Christmas past and that?
SHATT: Yeah, that too, I wrote all that Dickens stuff, man. You sure you haven’t got any spliff?
SKYSCRAPER: Yeah. I mean, no. Look about this new album …
SHATT: So, right, the new album. What was that like, recording while you were drying out?
SKYSCRAPER: Well it was more than drying out I can tell you. More than cold turkey. It was the whole fuckin’ farmyard freezin’ its knackers off. But to answer your question, they miked up me padded cell.
SHATT: Really caught the anguish I imagine.
SKYSCRAPER: Well yeah, there was quite a bit of yelling and shouting. A good deal of screaming. Several days of severe bodily harm threated to anyone I could think of. Then some vomiting and sobbing. The album ends with whimpering culminating … is that a word .. in some heavy snoring. All I had to do was write the music after.
SHATT: And how long did that take.
SKYSCRAPER: Well, three weeks for the vocals. About forty five minutes for the music.
SHATT: Forty five minutes? That’s very quick
SKYSCRAPER: Well, yeah, I was fucking dying to get down the boozer after three weeks in a sodding rubber room wasn’t I.
SHATT: And what’s the album called?
SKYSCRAPER: It’s called “Everything’s Fluffy Bunnies Now.” Sony are putting it out and the first 2 million copies come with a free robo-rabbit by Honda.
SHATT: Nice one. Have you got any whizz?
To be continued….
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