You’re standing at the foot of a Protools interface cliff - there are fader switches rising and falling like elevators in one of those hotels where they put the cages on the outside of the wall. You can hear your track playing but the faders are moving by themselves. Who the hell is mixing this track? You need to get to the top of the cliff so you can get an overview, find out what's happening, see the big picture, but every time you run to a fader that's arrived at the bottom of the wall, the bugger zooms upwards and now there's way too much treble on the horn section.
The noise drives you to your knees, you clap your hands over your ears, if you don't reach the master volume level soon your brains are going to start leaking out of your ears. You are not going to end up like sodding Beethoven with a stick in your mouth trying to sense the string vibrations from your 100 watt stack.
You run over to a couple of mushrooms the size of dinner plates, they're marked "Command" and "Z" , and start stamping on them, frantically dancing a Watusi, left right, left right, command undo, you bastard!
Suddenly all the faders drop like kamikaze planes. The silence is a deafening, white noise roar in your ears. You have a headache the size of Greece. You stagger over to the master level fader, there's a red mute light blinking above its slider channel, you’re staring at it as you edge nearer the slider. You have your feet on the bottom of the slider and your hands on top, about to pull yourself up, when all the faders to the right of you launch like missiles out of silos and the master volume fader drags you upwards and aaaarrrgghhh no, no, no fucking no, not the keyboard part to Steady Eddie Steady. You mixed that centuries ago, in another lifetime, this is your new album.
You start to scream just to drown out the synth and suddenly spring sat upright next to the missus who has one knowing eye open just making sure you’re not having a coronary. The alarm’s red eye tells you there are only five minutes before you have to get up and go to the studio.
Causes Luke James Supports
Doctors Without Borders