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On having wrinkles on my face(and wearing inexpensive jeans)

The other day I was attending a funeral service and there was this acquaintance right beside me who kept muttering, This is so sad, although her face remained unmoved, frozen. She had just had botox injected all over her face that morning, and could barely speak. Another acquaintance whom I thought I´d see there couldn´t make it, because she had just had liposuction the day before and it was still very painful to move.  Both women are about my age: 38 years old, and have always been attractive, healthy women who really didn´t need those interventions.

I´m not saying  we shouldn´t care about beauty. There´s nothing wrong with females (and males) trying to look good. Make-up, moisturizing creams, jewelry, perfume. I love all of that. The problem is when we can´t draw the line. When we stop being human beings above everything and live our lives around cosmetic procedures that will make us look like this or that celebrity, sometimes of the opposite sex.

Why are we, women, so obsessed with being someone else? First of all, let´s absolve the guys. It has absolutely nothing to do with them. In fact, most men are perfectly fine with the way we look. Second, I don´t think it has to do with beauty. I can´t be convinced that substituting your actual and normal nose for something that looks like a light switch will make you look more beautiful.

I think I´ve had a glimpse to where the problem may lie observing mothers and daughters, including myself and my daughter. Our daughters growing up means we´re getting older. That´s basic. But I´ve been observing something else in this complex relationship: mothers can do many damages to their daughters´ self-esteem when, instead of behaving like parents, they behave like same-age friends with a credit card. Instead of saying- my love, you don´t need those (astronomically expensive) jeans to be beautiful, you are beautiful being yourself- we go ahead and buy them because all her friends have them, too.

Now, when we buy that , and into that, what we´re actually saying to that young girl is: yes, a pair of very expensive jeans is all we, women, need to make us feel we´re worth something. It can also be a handbag, sunglasses, a pair of shoes, a boob job, a car, a crystal engraved cell phone, the list is endless.

I have wrinkles around my eyes, and they are most evident when I smile. It´s part of me. Many times I don´t say anything, I just smile with my eyes and the people I love know what I mean. I also don´t wear expensive and exclusive clothes. I choose clothes that are beautiful (in my opinion) and comfortable, and that have to do with my personality. My nose is not small, but it´s exactly like my father´s, and I´m proud to have inherited it, among his many other traits: he was an awesome man. I think the best I can teach my daughter is that being comfortable in one´s skin is one of the most beautiful things you can find in a person.

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technical assistance

 Forgive my ignorance, but I have no idea why those symbols appeared in the beginning of my post. If you know how to get them out of there, please let me know. I´d appreciate it.Luciana

Luciana Lhullier (Red Room member)

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HTML gobbledygook

Luciana, if you're going to compose your posts in another program like Word or Notepad, please do the following when pasting the text into the Red Room blog text box:

1. Click "enhance rich text"
2. Click the W symbol in the small toolbar. A second text box will appear
3. Paste the text in that box and click Insert
4. Edit any space or formatting irregularities in the main text box
5. Click Submit

Please email support@redroom.com if you any further questions. Thanks!

Huntington Sharp, Red Room

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Thanks for fixing that!

Luciana Lhullier (Red Room member)

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Advice from a perfect parent


Speaking as a perfect parent, (that is, a person who has had no actual children) I think you are providing your daughter with a marvelous example, Luciana. 

Western culture teaches women to be insecure about their appearance, regardless of how close they come to the ideal of femininity--something that varies greatly in place and time. 

Columnist Dave Berry once pointed out that a man can dress in dirty jeans, sport a beer belly and comb his six remaining hairs over his head until it looks like a spider clinging to a cue ball—and still be convinced he’s irresistible to women.

It may take generations before this double standard changes. The example you are setting for your daughter is the only way that things will change. 


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Advice is welcome


Good observers are the best advisers. Every piece of advice is welcome.

Thank you!




Luciana Lhullier (Red Room member)