Two Zebra’s Talking:
One says: "Where’s Bob?”
The second Zebra says:
"Got caught in a rainstorm where the prediction was “It’ll be raining cats and dogs.”
"So? said the first Zebra
The second Zebra says: "It was actually raining Pachyderms."
"OuchI" said the first Zebra.
Alligator seeing his first Kangraoo:
"Biggest feet I have ever seen."
One duck to another:
"The first one says: "Where’s Bob?"
The second duck replies:
"Ever since he lost that left wing, he’s been flying in circles. Tragic."
Two whales beaching themselves on a beach in New York:
One says: "Now this can’t be right, doesn’t even look like Mexico."
Two male whales talking:
"Not only did she leave me and take all my ambrosia, but she also stuffed socks into my blow-hole."
Two whales talking:
"She was all upset because of my corvorting with Bertha and she ended up giving me this bucket of water for my birthday."
Two whales following a luxury liner:
One says: "Keep swimming and soon they’ll likely through over board a coupla cans of tuna."
"Ok next time that bear sticks his nose in here trying to steal our honey we all turn around and get our butt-stingers ready."
Two female seagulls talking:
One says: "Why in the world would you build your nest on the top of a street-light?"
The seagull says: "Well its warm up there at night and because I am afraid of the dark."
Bats talking in their cave at night:
"Ok here he comes again. This time we want to put sugar in his gas tank. And then we’ll break the news to him that he’s not a real bat.
Two Neanderthals talking:
"These clubs are useless ever since he invented that sling-shot gadget."
One dejected Neanderthal to another:
"She rejected me. Said my loin cloth smelled of Mastadon meat."
Two ducks talking:
"Every duck I know since the second amendment is now buying ammo and wearing bandaleros. The hunters are freaking."
Two Dogs looking at another Dog walking with his master:
"Steady, steady, straight ahead. Oh, there it is. He stepped in mine, and now...yours. A double today."
One dog looking at a Sheep Dog:
I am guessing that that dog has never seen a sheep in his entire life.
Fru-Fru dog to another Fru-Fru dog:
You know I just told her that I could fit nicely in her purse and now I get carried everywhere. Don't even need my legs anymore.
Two Dogs talking:
Ever since I had an accident in the house they feed me only dry biscuits. Now I am constipated and about to explode.
Two dogs looking a German Sherpard:
"He keeps saying that his breed is the smartest breed in the world. What, they gave IQ tests or something? 10- to -1 that dog can not read anymore than the rest of us."
Dog-day at work and the dog is sitting in the board room with his master:
"I swear all these humans sound just like parrots."
Two Mallard Ducks looking at Donald Duck on TV.
Now, speaking areodynamically, there is no way this Donald Duck can fly-his perky little tail just doesn't work. Have you ever seen him fly? said the first duck.
"No." said the second duck.
"That's my point." said the first duck."
One mouse looking at Minnie Mouse on Television:
"Now, I ask you have you ever seen any real mouse with a ribbon in her hair?"
So I ask, what gives Minnie?"
Two deer confront one another on a narrow deer trail- each refusing to yield:
One says, "Sorry buddy but there is no off-ramp here and there is no shoulder on this road. Flip you for it."
Hunter rushes up to a Stag and a Doe saying:
"I am going to bag me a deer today and put you on the hood of my car."
The Stag looks at the Doe and says:
"It's for you dear."
Two Gazelles looking at a Lion chase another Gazelle:
"That looks dangerous some one can get their eye put out."
Two Gazelles talking to two Antelopes:
"Well I will tell you what we did. We spread the word among the Lions that the grass we are eating is full of MSG."
Mother Robin to Teen Robins:
"Dinner? Well, I have some nice grubs.
Or I could open up a nice can of worms for you guys."
Gorilla and his prospective bride are talking:
She says: "But I don’t want to serve Gazelle at the reception, really heavy fat and cholesterol, Why can't we have twigs and leaves like everybody else?"
Two monkeys talking:
“What happened to the flying squirrel?”
The second monkey says:
“Bo, moved the branches on him. The emergency landing did not go well."
Two Vultures talking over a carcass to newly arriving Vultures:
"Keep moving; nothing but leftovers here, nothing to see."
Two Chimpanzees watching Elephants stomp on grapes:
"Fermentation takes about three weeks then we are back to do a million shots."
Two Chickens looking a third chicken:
"Look who just crossed the road."
Two Geese looking at a Goose:
One says: "She just kept on laying those golden eggs."
The other Goose says: "Stopped now; got herself a king size case of hemorrhoids.”
Two Lions talking:
"Some days the hunt is just not worth it. The Gazelles are all losing weight and super skinny this year."
Two Gazelles talking watching the Spring Bok leap over their heads:
"You know some guys just like to show off."
Two Beavers talking:
"Today lodges, tommorow skyscrapers made of wood."
Two Hyenas talking about a third Hyena:
"He is one of those that laugh at anything."
Two Horses talking looking at two cowboys:
"You know we could really lengthen our life spans if we didn't let them ride us."
Two Deer watching a group of lemmings crash over a cliff into the sea:
"One says: Told you, the herd mentality thing can be deadly."
Two Antelopes talking:
"Too bad: got his first antlers and challenged an Elk. Bad outcome for him."
Two Lions on a late night hunt:
"Told you we can lose a lot more weight if we eliminate all this late night eating."
Two Lions talking on a refrigerator magnet"
"It's not the Sphinx or anything but a job is a job."
Two Lions talking:
"I just don't know why they think putting a light bulb over our heads helps us talk."
Two Elephants talking looking at a Lion:
"Exactly who crowned him King of the Beasts?"
Two Lions talking:
"He left the jungle. Wanted to be an accountant."
Two Boa Constrictors talking:
"Some days I just want to suck the life of everyone I meet."
"Yea," says the second Constrictor: sounds like the boss."
Two Lions on refrigerator magnet:
"To get into this refrigerator you have to say the magic words. "Not now, come back later."
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