The teakettle is starting to boil on the stove.
It is twenty past midnight.
I should be asleep, but I am awake and alone.
The sound of rain beating against my window
reminds me of the day we met.
It was a chilly and stormy early October morning.
Do you ever think of that day? I often do.
We got caught in a heavy rainstorm and found shelter
in the doorway of a women’s clothing boutique.
Our clothes were soaked, my hair and makeup were a mess,
But it did not seem to bother you. You said I was beautiful.
You kept making jokes and smiling at me. We were only
there for a few minutes, but it felt like hours to me.
That day will forever be one I will remember.
It was the first day I realized I was alive.
I always believed I was invisible until my eyes met yours.
I know our lives together were never mystical or magical. And contrary to what
I once hoped and believed I accept that we would have never made it as a couple.
Nevertheless, those three years we were together will remain my most cherished of days.
The day our lives went in separate directions was devastating to me.
I wanted you to be the answer to the loneliness inside my empty soul.
I suppose no other person can ever be the cure for another person.
It took years for me to realize I had to heal my own heart
before I could ever hope to share it with anyone else.
I wish you were here to drink a cup of tea with me. Do you still like tea?
I feel so strange writing to you after all this time. It has been
several years since we parted. I wonder are you still alone? I hope you found someone
to treat you kinder than I did during the time we were together. I am still alone.
However, I do have a few good friends to share a bottle of Chardonnay with
whenever I feel life’s weight closing in on me.
As I stand here listening the to wind blowing outside
there is one thing I wish to tell you. I am no longer bitter
or feel unkindness towards you. I now realize you were my best friend.
I suppose you still are, at least, I hope you will want to be again.
It is wonderful to finally reach maturity at my age.
Whoever thought I would? I still have that old photograph
you took of me in the rain that day we met.
I always wondered why you wanted to take a picture
of me when I was soaked and looking so horrible.
It was not until the other day when I came across it while cleaning up the attic
that I realized what you wanted me to see, the real me.
If only I would have known that back then. Maybe we would…
It is not important now. What could have been between you and me no longer matters.
What is important is that I have come to love who I am. I will forever
cherish you for being the one to show me how to love and accept myself.
In the wake of morning or in the coldness of night,
if you ever need a friend, do not hesitate to give me a call.
I will be there to listen.
I hope you think of me fondly whenever you hear the sound of rain.
Take care, my dear friend.