"And the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon the tables, that he may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry." Habakkuk 2:2-3
It is somewhat ironic, and otherwise unsettling, that as much as I loathe my own life, I would not rather be anyone else. I wish only to be the best version of myself. And so I wonder, if I was in Mensa, if I devoured 100 text each year, if I had earned a masters in philosophy and psychology by now, if I completed 1 book each year; I wonder, if I would be happier. Doubtful. I am certain, I would be more proud.
In the end that is what matters: Are you proud of yourself? Have you pleased yourself? (I have always been a hedonist.) Have you served your God?
I don't have anytime to waste. (I've already wasted two years.)
I don't have any more time to waste.
There are 15 pieces that I would like to write during the course of my life. (1) Only one is written: my first screenplay. I discovered a few characters need to be cut, and a few need to be revised.
(2-4) I have three novels in my head, which i would like to pour out. The first is a novelization of the screenplay mentioned above. The second is an existentialist novel with a black female protaganist. And the third, a serial novel, also related to existentialism... perhaps more than the first.
(5-7) There are three non-autobiographical books, which I would like to write. I still want to edit an anothology on tresconsciousness, but honestly, I only have one essay worth even considering at this point. I would like to write the non-fiction account of the story of which my first screenplay was based off of. It will probably be closer to a biography more than anything else. And I would like to write a collection of essays. At least this I have begun...
(8-9) I would like to write the autobiography of my father. I began interviewing him years ago... I still have the notes. I must resume. My father will be 70 soon, this is a good time to begin, again. And I debate about whether I would like to write a memoir... if I do, it won't be the first thing I write. Later, way later.
(10-11) I would like to write two collections of short stories. The first collection with characters based out of Detroit. And, the second of -- Erotica. Because, rarely do I enjoy non-erotic short stories. Unfortunately, I haven't started either of these.
(12) I will probably write poetry through out my life. But the next collection I compile will be of Love poems. I have begun this, thankfully. But, there's a long way to go.
(13) In the 11th grade, I became concerned with the idea of the Light/Dark Motief in literature in religion. This was triggered of course by The Scarlett Letter... and perhaps by A Course in Miracles (which I both loved, nonetheless) as well. In high school, I imagined this would be the first book I would write, in hindsight it seems like it might be one of the last.
(14-15) Lastly, there are two additional screenplays which I would like to write. Both biographical.
Honestly, I haven't read enough books or watched enough films to be a great writer. And, even if I have -- I would be a much greater writer if I had a larger repertoir under my belt.
I wonder how long it would take me to complete all 15 works. Even if I wrote one piece each year, that would still take 15 years. Both of my poetry collections were short, and they still took 3-7 years to complete: each. The screenplay only took 3 weeks to write the first draft, but that was after a 2 year conception, and a year later I'm still revising and it's still not complete.
Most of these works will require a lot of research. Both of the screenplays would require a lot of background work. The biography I want to write (the story of which the screenplay/novel is based) will require a large amount of research. My father's autobiography will require a lot of time as well.
My first screenplay needs to be completely rewritten. Afterwards, I may want to videotape a version with local friends -- to see if the dialoge and pacing actually works. Then, I may need to re-write it again.
The novelization of the story, will be my first novel. And since I despise the 60 pages I wrote in New York... I will have to begin again.
And, in the meantime, I can work on mini-pieces: poems and essays, at least, maybe the short stories can wait.
And, in the meantime, I can collect research for the larger projects (the second and third screenplay, the biography and my father's autobiography). Maybe by the time I finish my first screenplay, my first novel, my third poetry book, and first set of essays... Maybe by then I'll have enough research to tackle a larger project.
I won't worry about agents until I have 3 or 4 projects done. Right now I just need to work. And revise. And research.
And figure out how I'm going to pay my damn bills. I need to find one job that I can support myself off of -- with two jobs, I either won't have enough time to read, or I won't have enough time to write. And if I'm not reading and writing, that would defeat the purpose of working at all.
There are other things I dream of doing: Composing a Symphony, Writing a Musical... But um, I think I'll stick to books and films for now.