Do not be disturbed for it wasn’t all bad news for my quest became astute. I realized that in the past I had made the same mistake that most people make. We all think of a relationship as the war of the roses. There is nothing wrong in this as we are all beings of nature and with this xenophobic inbreed we think he who is not like us is alien to us. I discovered that to think of just what women want and what men wanted in isolation was not enough. The failure in this reasoning came from the fact that what we want is never enough. What we seek is boundless, in which case our needs could never be satisfied as there would always be something missing in the relationship. As I had never seen any questionnaire that addressed this line of thought in all the magazines and books I had read I began to believe it was the dawn of a new era in my life. I was touching on new soil, a new undiscovered planet were only the elite were allowed to prosper. Retracing my steps I discovered that in the past as is common in most relationships I always looked to the needs of my girl friend, and then looked to my needs and then sought a compromise hoping that we would both be satisfied. It just never worked because we both excelled in what we did and wanted, so nothing was ever good enough.
The problem was we measured the visible life, we thought of what we could see, what the world had shown us and then expected each other to meet these demands. Unfortunately with this trend of thought a relationship eventually becomes a measuring exercise, who has what and who needs what, an insidious plea to human lusts and emotions. I realized that to quench this portentous appetite we had to stop thinking of each other in isolation and consider the possibility that we were merely part of a whole. The whole was greater than either of us and so we both contributed to make it possible. The question now was how did this fall in line with what was liberal, what was society, what was fashionable that could stir the right senses in our world? Where was the clout to back my reasoning?
Well being part of a whole makes one understand that our desires are merely the smaller picture to something bigger. We relegate our needs and those of our partners to the back of our minds as the whole becomes the object to please. In this case bickering which is a feature of our existence is put aside as each of us relies upon meeting the objectives of the whole first before our own needs. Yes, I hear you say but how does this make me feel confident of my looks, my style and keeping my partner from moving on? How does this make our love blossom? Well if the whole is put first before any of our needs then it is likely that we won’t be bothered about how we looked because the needs of the whole were more important than ours. Let’s consider dieting as an example in this instance. If you are expecting to appear on television or attend a wedding or party where the full ensemble and nothing less is expected of you then it is likely that you would starve yourself for this occasion. In this case the television show is placed ahead of your own needs and so you could lose a few pounds for the sake of a show. However if you tried to cut down on your favorite meal just for the sake of losing weight it never really goes to plan as the pressures of society would certainly make you revert back to your usual wealthy appetite. I believe the same circumstances apply to love. To chasten one’s self not to become the victim of a relationship were there is no balance in your needs you must look to something greater than what is presented before you. If the whole was loved above and beyond your lusts and needs for your partner then in a way the waiting game could be played with more wisdom. It is no more a waiting game out of anxiety and worldly wisdom but one of divine intervention as you knew it was for the best, for something greater in which case the whole was more important than either of you and preserving its love was more important than anything else. In the meantime your partner waited relentlessly for you to show him or her attention while you let the whole guide you to when it was necessary to meet his or her needs.
Coarse as this may sound in today’s world given what we see in every corner of the globe I believe that this trend of thought was the anchor that brought the balance I desperately needed in my relationship. I discovered that instead of looking to each other for what we needed I should look instead a bit further beyond each other for what we could contribute to the whole. In so doing I found the balance and satisfaction that I desired. I no more sat tongue tied before the television waiting for my girlfriend to call. I didn’t have to for she was merely the second best thing as the whole was more important. I loved her dearly but this way gave me some clarity and perfected her anticipation of my next move. I had finally found that I could control my worldly desires and not let the cluttering within my droussers control my needs.
Ever watched Serendipity? Well can what women want work without serendipity? If not, then who controls all?
Spiritual wisdom is the balance we need in every juncture in life to bring wisdom understanding and nourishment to our needs, thoughts and deeds. I have learnt that if we idolize ourselves then what we seek in life is never satisfactory as we are imperfect and there would always be a better look, a better diet, a better looking man or woman who we could share our lives with. However if we idolize something of divine nature beyond our scope of imagination then our views in life take perspective and we can find the balance and true rhythm of our existence.