It can be for many reasons but it’s always for this one. The heart beats rapidly and then subsides. The hand reaches out to something, nothing in particular and then abandons this course. There is hatred but this is directed inwardly. Suddenly a shriek followed by a whimper. Things do not happen by chance! It can’t be for this reason that I am not selected, that I do not share the high table. Litter, remnants from the plates of those chosen is what I feed upon. Raucous sounds, aches that discover the bones and tendons they feed upon. Pages that turn endlessly leaving me supine searching dark passages and creating furrows of despair on my forehead.
I see them again, it’s the usual suspects do they ever tussle at night? The glare, then the shard that has been transformed into a weapon. What will I do with it? I will rip the darkness that shadows the brilliance of my ermine light and the lubricious ghost that lies beneath my bed. It is through their eyes that I witness my shortcomings. Through their eyes that I see another’s perfection. In a sense I am infantile in them because I immediately decide to be unforgiving, seeking fault where none lies, seeking blame where none is due. How did they get to me, how did they bypass the goodness that should overcome them? Why did I not see this coming? Perhaps clearness of mind took the last train out allowing for envy and fallacy to swirl in during the rush hour.
I shall quit this harangue while I am ahead. If peace in all things and circumstances is the measure of true wealth then no man is born into wealth and neither is any man born into poverty. Thus, wealth can be gained through understanding that a man’s faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. This is how the darkness is suppressed and this is how envy is rebuked.
Here is a blind truth, when two rich men got together in a wine bar Rich Man Number Two said to Rich Man Number One, if I can’t have what you have then my life is worth nothing. When two poor men chatted in a gutter, Poor Man Number Two said to Poor Man Number One if I had just a bit of what you had I’d be the richest man in the world. Fame and fortune can be deceptive, this is why its dog eat dog out there…